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Uncontrolled scribblings one luch break (Free verse) by Nicholas Jones When will the images come
And where will come from
A damp day confounds the seasons
Feeling more like mellow autumn
Than iron January
False snow on an allotment to retain, perhaps
or to retain warmth
warmth + water bring life,
or at least sustain it.
River bend
Rough water
Smooth water
Gravel island
I work (and so therefore also write)
In a bourgeois town
Where it is not uncommon to
See such vulgar people as footballers.
Or so my colleague say;
I canât recognise the overpaid fuckers.
ICO pen inscribes my downfall.
Break into prose. Why have I not done this before?
9/1/06 by the river
Scrub that comment about autumn
Behind the mellowness
There is a keen cold
that thins the blood
That leads to:
Sluggishness
or snap to alert?
Depending on mood.
Because this is internal.
Sorry if that was fallacious
and I was pathetic.
Up the ladder:
Beautiful Scars
Down the ladder:
lullaby
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 6.0
Posted: January 9, 2006 10:03 AM PST; Last modified: January 9, 2006 10:03 AM PSTWeighted score: 5.5 Overall Rank: 2713 Comments:
Get your grammar somewhere close to common acceptance, and I'll say something about what you said.
Dovina this is not English class. So get over it!!!!
Oh, but it is. Get used to it.
I didn't get this use of "retain"
False snow on an allotment to retain, perhaps or to retain warmth sorry for being so traditionalist, but the "+" and the date were eyesores it was good in spite of all that.
Fresh, and spattered with emotions and scraps of thoughts that seem like they have gone straight from the head to the page.
When will the images come/And where will (they) come from.
A damp day confounds the season(s) Or so my colleague(s) say; Or so my colleague says; The whole See such vulgar people as footballers./ Or so my colleague say;/I canât recognise the overpaid fuckers. I quite cack handed. Sorry if that was fallacious/and I was pathetic. is a play on pathetic fallacy but why is fallacious the correct word for this poem.
Welcome back. What have you been doing?
I've been doing the same as Nicholas the Jones. That and trolling the internet on messageboards which is great fun and a terrible waste of my evenings.
hear, hear. :)
The best part is how you misspelled "letch" in the title.
I don't know what I've been doing, I just haven't written any poetry for a long time. Ceasing being a student and having to get a job in the big world wide was fairly traumatic.
I scribbled this down in my lunch break in about ten minutes, deliberately without thinking about what I'm saying. So I've reproduced it without changing anything, keeping all the mistakes. As I say, I haven't written any poetry for a long time, and this seemed like a way of starting again. Oh, and I've actually misspelled 'lunch' in the title. Although actually I ate my lunch earlier at my desk while pretending to work.
Wow--must be Olde Poemranker Players week here. Welcome back. I haven't been here in ages either (work? pique?), so know what you mean about starting again.
I like "iron January" (usually it is anyway)--the rest is very drafty (as in first pass) and with some tweaking will probably reveal it's form. Neither fallacious nor pathetic. TAFKAHattersHare
Have to disappoint but I actually 'borrowed' the iron January image.....
Pretentious and ill-spelled.
Hey, this takes clever and runs with it for a bit. I'd drop the self-referential (and so therefore also write), since it's not about that _so_ much.
ICO pen? I'm missing a bit, but I like the self-abuse. :) 230 view(s)
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i question the need for the stanza on footballers. i'm missing the relationship to the seasonality of the rest of it.
then again, maybe the january fog has got to me as well.