poemranker ::Uncontrolled scribblings one luch break by Nicholas Jones

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Free verse № 136590

Uncontrolled scribblings one luch break

Member since 2002 · Posted 9 Jan 2006 · 16 comments

When will the images come And where will come from A damp day confounds the seasons Feeling more like mellow autumn Than iron January False snow on an allotment to retain, perhaps or to retain warmth warmth + water bring life, or at least sustain it. River bend Rough water Smooth water Gravel island I work (and so therefore also write) In a bourgeois town Where it is not uncommon to See such vulgar people as footballers. Or so my colleague say; I can’t recognise the overpaid fuckers. ICO pen inscribes my downfall. Break into prose. Why have I not done this before? 9/1/06 by the river Scrub that comment about autumn Behind the mellowness There is a keen cold that thins the blood That leads to: Sluggishness or snap to alert? Depending on mood. Because this is internal. Sorry if that was fallacious and I was pathetic.

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16 comments

[n/a] <~> 9-Jan-06/10:44 AM Reply
no need for apologiy.

i question the need for the stanza on footballers. i'm missing the relationship to the seasonality of the rest of it.

then again, maybe the january fog has got to me as well.
[4] Dovina 9-Jan-06/7:02 PM Reply
Get your grammar somewhere close to common acceptance, and I'll say something about what you said.
[8] PoeticXTC › Dovina 10-Jan-06/12:49 PM Reply
Dovina this is not English class. So get over it!!!!
[4] Dovina › PoeticXTC 11-Jan-06/1:44 PM Reply
Oh, but it is. Get used to it.
[7] http://mulberryfairy 9-Jan-06/7:36 PM Reply
I didn't get this use of "retain"
False snow on an allotment to retain, perhaps
or to retain warmth

sorry for being so traditionalist, but the "+" and the date were eyesores
it was good in spite of all that.
[8] cyan9 10-Jan-06/2:52 AM Reply
Fresh, and spattered with emotions and scraps of thoughts that seem like they have gone straight from the head to the page.
[8] richa 10-Jan-06/3:50 AM Reply
When will the images come/And where will (they) come from.
A damp day confounds the season(s)
Or so my colleague(s) say; Or so my colleague says;

The whole See such vulgar people as footballers./ Or so my colleague say;/I can’t recognise the overpaid fuckers. I quite cack handed.

Sorry if that was fallacious/and I was pathetic. is a play on pathetic fallacy but why is fallacious the correct word for this poem.
[10] zodiac › richa 10-Jan-06/7:59 AM Reply
Welcome back. What have you been doing?
[8] richa › zodiac 11-Jan-06/3:27 AM Reply
I've been doing the same as Nicholas the Jones. That and trolling the internet on messageboards which is great fun and a terrible waste of my evenings.
[7] nentwined › richa 15-Feb-07/6:17 PM Reply
hear, hear. :)
[10] zodiac 10-Jan-06/7:57 AM Reply
The best part is how you misspelled "letch" in the title.
[n/a] Nicholas Jones › zodiac 10-Jan-06/9:45 AM Reply
I don't know what I've been doing, I just haven't written any poetry for a long time. Ceasing being a student and having to get a job in the big world wide was fairly traumatic.

I scribbled this down in my lunch break in about ten minutes, deliberately without thinking about what I'm saying. So I've reproduced it without changing anything, keeping all the mistakes. As I say, I haven't written any poetry for a long time, and this seemed like a way of starting again.

Oh, and I've actually misspelled 'lunch' in the title. Although actually I ate my lunch earlier at my desk while pretending to work.
[n/a] ecargo 10-Jan-06/10:40 AM Reply
Wow--must be Olde Poemranker Players week here. Welcome back. I haven't been here in ages either (work? pique?), so know what you mean about starting again.

I like "iron January" (usually it is anyway)--the rest is very drafty (as in first pass) and with some tweaking will probably reveal it's form. Neither fallacious nor pathetic.

TAFKAHattersHare
[n/a] Nicholas Jones › ecargo 15-Jan-06/12:38 PM Reply
Have to disappoint but I actually 'borrowed' the iron January image.....
[2] Edna Sweetlove 10-Dec-06/11:15 AM Reply
Pretentious and ill-spelled.
[7] nentwined 15-Feb-07/6:18 PM Reply
Hey, this takes clever and runs with it for a bit. I'd drop the self-referential (and so therefore also write), since it's not about that _so_ much.

ICO pen?

I'm missing a bit, but I like the self-abuse. :)