Re: i will bare it: by Sapphire	16-Mar-02/1:21 AM
interesting. dark. cool. :)
Re: she is... by Sapphire	16-Mar-02/1:21 AM
very cool =)
Re: ever always: by Sapphire	16-Mar-02/1:21 AM
don't grok.
Re: will you? by Sapphire	16-Mar-02/1:21 AM
I think in the second to last line you're jumping objects? [I] hold the universe out to you [the you of all previous lines] and it jars a bit. perhaps you could make it more explicit? or perhaps I'm misreading -- if so, I really can't read that line. It's very sweet, regardless, though not my thing.
Re: unsalvaged by skaskowski	16-Mar-02/1:21 AM
I don't get the "But" in "But my hands are still wet". other than that, I like the rhythm, and the rhyme doesn't hurt it (I think). Cool. :)
Re: Do Not Pay Taxes To Feed Those Layabout Scum by ruella	16-Mar-02/1:21 AM
uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. ?
Re: Avian Child by Tekara	16-Mar-02/1:21 AM
"to [the?] ground"; "so high in my dreams" throws off a syllable... the next line, too, so I guess it's okay, but it reads awkwardly to me. "Never with an avian mate" doesn't have the power I think you're looking for. Overall, I like the poem.
Re: Cashmere by Tekara	16-Mar-02/1:21 AM
again, rhythm: "they promised me life" could be shortened to "they promised life". "Like the rowan" could drop the "the". I like it, though. :)
regarding some deleted poem...	16-Mar-02/1:21 AM
*ROFL*
Re: Ghost in My Swimming Pool by ObiWonKn	16-Mar-02/1:21 AM
very pretty
regarding some deleted poem...	16-Mar-02/1:21 AM
yowsa. yup.
regarding some deleted poem...	16-Mar-02/1:21 AM
:heh:
Re: Colloid by skaskowski	16-Mar-02/1:21 AM
this is hilarious :)
regarding some deleted poem...	16-Mar-02/1:21 AM
I really like the dance. :)
Re: Dancing with the Dandelions by Piano	16-Mar-02/1:21 AM
the last line seems offrhythm, but I like the rest a lot.
Re: Fascination by ObiWonKn	16-Mar-02/1:21 AM
reminds me of a scene in The World According to Garp, sorta. :)
Re: High Speed College Life by Modulo	16-Mar-02/1:21 AM
amen, brother, a-fuckin-men.
Re: Too Late by ObiWonKn	16-Mar-02/1:21 AM
"she said ... till it was too late" stumbles, and I'm not sure what you're saying. I presume the person died, but I've no clue the relation or really what that meant except perhaps abandonment...
Re: Toes by BadPoet	16-Mar-02/1:21 AM
"and beside/That your show" I think would work better as "and beside that/your shoe"; The break between by and themselves doesn't scan well. All in all, I have to say I love this poem. :)
Re: pull by skaskowski	16-Mar-02/1:21 AM
the copying seems a bit forced... maybe you could play with it alittle more? Maybe I should go to sleep. My comments are becoming less than useful. :)