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she is... (Free verse) by Sapphire
of earth and spice, had carried in on wind crisp of air and orbs, sky blue tinged apple cheeks with flesh begging to be bitten flamed ropes falling over shoulders, i'm smitten

Up the ladder: pavement
Down the ladder: A story of forever

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Arithmetic Mean: 5.0869565
Weighted score: 5.0853925
Overall Rank: 6367
Posted: March 16, 2002 1:13 AM PST; Last modified: March 16, 2002 1:13 AM PST
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Comments:
[n/a] nentwined @ | 16-Mar-02/1:21 AM | Reply
very cool =)
[5]... anonymous @ | 4-Apr-02/1:15 PM | Reply
you have a decent lexicon..... of images and scents and experiences...you should keep writing. Just keep it real. Close to the earth. Write poems like you're driving a tank....!
[8] Owner of the Sky @ | 11-May-02/2:56 AM | Reply
Talk about having a crush on someone! *L*
[5]... anonymous @ 62.254.32.4 | 19-May-02/12:23 AM | Reply
OK .. slight; pity about "begging to be bitten", the rest is fresh.
[6] deleted user @ 206.180.235.31 | 10-Jun-02/1:27 AM | Reply
Beautiful- though the meter is a bit wierd. I'd suggest either making it non-rhyming, or rearranging the lines to make them line up exactly.
[9] Lenore @ 64.252.99.44 | 17-Jul-02/9:20 AM | Reply
I don't quite understand it, but I love the words; earth and spice, air and orbs. (9)
[0] deleted user @ 67.40.59.14 | 17-Aug-02/8:28 PM | Reply
What are apple cheeks? "Had carried" is an odd transition and possibly inncorrect. It confuses the entire attempt.
[9] <~> @ 167.206.181.179 | 30-Aug-02/7:57 AM | Reply
she sounds tempting and delicious. i don't think you need 'had' in the first line.
[7] Christof @ 195.172.133.226 | 30-Aug-02/8:29 AM | Reply
The second two lines redeem the first, which are confused. By the end though, I'm smitten too.
[6] cyan9 @ 217.40.63.105 | 27-Sep-05/1:45 AM | Reply
Cute, the word spice gathers a bit of interest here. It is short and simple and perhaps a bit too simple to stand on its own, inclusion as a verse within a larger piece may produce a more involving result.
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