regarding some deleted poem...	16-Mar-02/1:21 AM
so I get you're transcribing; but... why would someone have you transcribe the echos of their pain? Perhaps if I knew more generally what you did. :)
regarding some deleted poem...	16-Mar-02/1:21 AM
Interesting. "repeat" that magic word doesn't quite work for me, though it's kinda what you're going for. Umm. Maybe "repeat back", just to solidify that it's the "Hello" that's being repeated. I was a little uncertain at first. I don't get what the game is *supposed* to be doing, either, though maybe I'm not supposed to?
regarding some deleted poem...	16-Mar-02/1:21 AM
this doesn't do anything for me. =( My mind gets wrapped up in all the not-so-inevitables of the potential promise....
Re: Burning Night by ifni	16-Mar-02/1:21 AM
halfway there to the night, or ... ? :) very pretty but I didn't get a "click" out of it.
Re: All teeth when not. by ifni	16-Mar-02/1:21 AM
although I feel the moment you're describing, I don't feel you've encapsulated it as well as you could have. the flow is off, for me, too much like prose.
Re: last night by nessness	16-Mar-02/1:21 AM
very succinct and sweet, with an aura of so much more. beautiful, like an extended haiku.
regarding some deleted poem...	16-Mar-02/1:21 AM
interesting. didn't really hold my attention, though. Perhaps a more solid "what" was noticed beyond or behind "you're not really my friend" would have helped...?
Re: Garden by ifni	16-Mar-02/1:21 AM
pretty but I find it too much like prose to wrap myself in.
Re: that boy by nessness	16-Mar-02/1:21 AM
cool. =) I was really hoping it would end with something like "boy, that boy can dance!" =) I'd prefer how it read if the exclamation marks were question marks... not much else to say. cool. :)
Re: savior of humanity: by Sapphire	16-Mar-02/1:21 AM
a LOT of images, not quite disjoint. I didn't really enjoy reading it because I stumbled all over the place, but I think this would be beautiful chanted outloud by someone with a solid understanding of the poem.
Re: take me back home again: by Sapphire	16-Mar-02/1:21 AM
again a tumble of images -- I'm not finding a pause for breath, though I'm getting a better understanding. One thing you do is leave of a bunch of articles where I expect them, though there are some there. That makes for some of the stumbling. I'm starting to like it more.
Re: pain of love: by Sapphire	16-Mar-02/1:21 AM
pleasantly simple, but I feel I need more to fill in the gaps of what's not being said. This stands as two practically separate accusations, ish.
Re: in the eye of the stone dragon: by Sapphire	16-Mar-02/1:21 AM
capable stumbles after able ... both by syllable and ... what is the difference twixt cap(able)? Overall, this has a stronger impression on me. Though somehow several lines seem cliche, they all twine together beautifully.
Re: mine own battle: by Sapphire	16-Mar-02/1:21 AM
"forward in sight" reads as "forward incite", and it hurts my mental ear to rip it to the written meaning... I also don't get "sooner state of mind light". The rhyming, and the "smite" don't work for me, and I can't get a cohesive image or statement out of it. :(
Re: say I! by Sapphire	16-Mar-02/1:21 AM
hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. I really can't parse it for rhythm (the thoust and attentions t'will); unsure what small seed renames... the mini book, or ... no, just cna't parse any of it. my eyes jump all over and the slower gears in my head start to crack. :( It seems pretty...
Re: melancholy: by Sapphire	16-Mar-02/1:21 AM
pretty
Re: to thine own self be true: by Sapphire	16-Mar-02/1:21 AM
I can't piece this together. :(
Re: love your mother: by Sapphire	16-Mar-02/1:21 AM
pleasant and I can make sense of it without difficulty (I think)! =) The last three words seem out of place, though -- plodding is tired, unhappy work. if you're trying to mix that in with the appreciation of the earth, I think maybe more could be shown...
Re: endless eternity: by Sapphire	16-Mar-02/1:21 AM
the title is a strike against -- redundant. I can't find the rhythm or flow of the piece, but the images are beautiful and I feel I've got the feel of the whole. ... :)
Re: rock me to sleep tonight: by Sapphire	16-Mar-02/1:21 AM
very pretty. I can hear it sung in a sultry dark voice. :)