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last night (Free verse) by nessness
an exhaled "I love you" and a kiss takes me away from this-- the monsters won't come if I'm beside you.
Up the ladder: Ghostdancing
Down the ladder: Eyes, Crying.
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Arithmetic Mean: 5.266667
Weighted score: 5.2664237
Overall Rank: 3948
Posted: March 16, 2002 1:19 AM PST; Last modified: March 16, 2002 1:19 AM PST
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Comments:
[n/a] deleted user @ | 16-Mar-02/1:21 AM | Reply
monsters is a charged but generic word that used carelessly is cliche. I'd drop it in favor of something more specific given the short length of the poem.
[5]... anonymous @ | 29-Aug-01/12:51 AM | Reply
better now that it's shorter
[n/a] nentwined @ | 16-Mar-02/1:21 AM | Reply
very succinct and sweet, with an aura of so much more. beautiful, like an extended haiku.
[5]... anonymous @ | 10-May-02/9:13 AM | Reply
fragmented & incomplete & utterly empty
[5]... anonymous @ 138.16.130.2 | 13-May-02/3:00 PM | Reply
A cut above other similar poems.
117 view(s)



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