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take me back home again: (Free verse) by Sapphire
sun lightly kisses tops of trees mountains sing of ageless loves dance on river, over the slumbering stones touch me tender wind of morn take me in and wrap your embrace about me keep me in the cradle of home set me on the hearth of divinity warm my heart

Up the ladder: hollow queen
Down the ladder: Love

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Arithmetic Mean: 4.8
Weighted score: 4.809485
Overall Rank: 10948
Posted: March 16, 2002 1:12 AM PST; Last modified: March 16, 2002 1:12 AM PST
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Comments:
[n/a] nentwined @ | 16-Mar-02/1:21 AM | Reply
again a tumble of images -- I'm not finding a pause for breath, though I'm getting a better understanding. One thing you do is leave of a bunch of articles where I expect them, though there are some there. That makes for some of the stumbling. I'm starting to like it more.
[0]... anonymous @ | 4-Apr-02/1:33 PM | Reply
do you ever rewrite? this has much potential. Try rewriting without the "of home, of divinity, of morn, etc." You also shift from objective language to commands.
[n/a] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. @ 131.111.245.180 | 14-Jun-02/12:07 PM | Reply
The more of your poemes I read, the more I am overcome with a sense of joy and splendour. I had no idea poetry could be so startlingly original. And so diverse as well. Keep up the good work, though I'm not sure how much more beauty my hearte can take before it is overwhelmed.
[8] <~> @ 167.206.181.179 | 30-Aug-02/7:52 AM | Reply
yes. a true wish. ahhh.
[8] Princess_Snowflake @ 209.7.23.202 | 17-Dec-03/8:30 PM | Reply
What a masterpiece! You really handle things in mind for this! :-)
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