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take me back home again: (Free verse) by Sapphire sun lightly kisses tops of trees
mountains sing of ageless loves
dance
on river, over the slumbering stones
touch me tender wind of morn
take
me in and wrap your embrace about me
keep me in the cradle of home
set
me on the hearth of divinity
warm my heart
Up the ladder:
well, ok, then
Down the ladder:
Love
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 4.8
Posted: March 16, 2002 1:12 AM PST; Last modified: March 16, 2002 1:12 AM PSTWeighted score: 4.809485 Overall Rank: 10988 Comments:
[n/a]
nentwined @
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16-Mar-02/1:21 AM
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Reply
again a tumble of images -- I'm not finding a pause for breath, though I'm getting a better understanding. One thing you do is leave of a bunch of articles where I expect them, though there are some there. That makes for some of the stumbling. I'm starting to like it more.
do you ever rewrite? this has much potential. Try rewriting without the "of home, of divinity, of morn, etc." You also shift from objective language to commands.
The more of your poemes I read, the more I am overcome with a sense of joy and splendour. I had no idea poetry could be so startlingly original. And so diverse as well. Keep up the good work, though I'm not sure how much more beauty my hearte can take before it is overwhelmed.
yes. a true wish. ahhh.
What a masterpiece! You really handle things in mind for this! :-)
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