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unsalvaged (Free verse) by skaskowski
you rose and you fell as my eyes held your image, your tears fell to Hell, Quenching fire with fire? i heard your last scream or was that a dream? or was it my own lack of foresight atoned? you fell, and you cried, and my selfishness died and your flesh, burning, held in its absence my own Hell. Folded up like a napkin, inhibition was satin, so smoothe and indulgent but how long could i hold it? i dropped it--or sold it for peace and release. for a glimpse of the sea, for the end of this pain, For the soft, cleansing rain... You lived and you died, and i died by your side. So you said "Don't forget" But my hands are still wet...

Down the ladder: Existence; Part 1

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Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
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Arithmetic Mean: 4.885714
Weighted score: 4.8857527
Overall Rank: 9914
Posted: March 16, 2002 1:13 AM PST; Last modified: March 16, 2002 1:13 AM PST
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Comments:
[3]... anonymous @ | 1-Jul-01/1:33 AM | Reply
like "I was", this poem suffers from a lack of a clear subject. THough it does have a couple of good lines "Folded up like a napkin" and "But my hadns are still wet". In this poem the elipse is not so inappropriate.
[3]... anonymous @ | 2-Jul-01/4:53 PM | Reply
hrm. I don't get it. ? :)
[3]... anonymous @ | 17-Jul-01/1:54 PM | Reply
not quite sure what you are saying here. vague & loose.
[4] nentwined @ | 16-Mar-02/1:21 AM | Reply
I don't get the "But" in "But my hands are still wet". other than that, I like the rhythm, and the rhyme doesn't hurt it (I think). Cool. :)
[3]... anonymous @ | 4-Apr-02/1:38 PM | Reply
"out, out damn spot!"
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