poemranker ::will you? by Sapphire

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Free verse № 90

will you?

by Sapphire

Member since 2001 · Posted 16 Mar 2002 · 8 comments

dip fingers into hues of wine paint the skies of ancient time braid the days in shining twine the plaits of night dark and divine hold the universe out to you sublime all for want, your heart, be mine

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mean 6.00 weighted 5.98 rank 1326 views 190 View voting details →

23 votes so far. Yours would make 24.23 votes so far

8 comments

[5] nentwined 16-Mar-02/1:21 AM Reply
I think in the second to last line you're jumping objects? [I] hold the universe out to you [the you of all previous lines] and it jars a bit. perhaps you could make it more explicit? or perhaps I'm misreading -- if so, I really can't read that line. It's very sweet, regardless, though not my thing.
[7] nrevatehtni 4-Apr-02/1:46 PM Reply
that's better.
[6] anonymous 13-May-02/3:02 PM Reply
a bit pained but nice and lyrical.
[6] -=SeTTle=- 28-Jul-02/6:26 PM Reply
Sorry, not enough...time?
[n/a] <~> 20-Aug-02/7:57 AM Reply
with all those rope images, you may as well just tie him up.
[2] poetandknowit 20-Aug-02/11:39 AM Reply
That is some serious rhyming.
[7] tadpole 21-Mar-05/8:51 PM Reply
I like the last line, and a lot of the rest of it too. I think it could flow a lot better though.
[8] cyan9 30-Sep-05/1:05 AM Reply
nice poem, bit too much rhyming for my (personal) linking, but it was to the point and quickly got a very nice image across to me.