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will you? (Free verse) by Sapphire

dip fingers into hues of wine paint the skies of ancient time braid the days in shining twine the plaits of night dark and divine hold the universe out to you sublime all for want, your heart, be mine

nentwined 16-Mar-02/1:21 AM
I think in the second to last line you're jumping objects? [I] hold the universe out to you [the you of all previous lines] and it jars a bit. perhaps you could make it more explicit? or perhaps I'm misreading -- if so, I really can't read that line. It's very sweet, regardless, though not my thing.




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