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Jericho (Lyric) by goldfish
I saw the ships upon the bay Descending like a dove I saw the night seduce the day And kill him with her love I saw the moving finger write Upon the palace wall And when the day became the night I saw the pillars fall I saw the empire tumble down In ashes at my feet And there reflected in the crown Despair, decline, defeat *** He poured his soul into the mold Which life for him had cast Of doing well what he was told And dwelling on the past He turned his face to Babylon The City of the Gods Whose fountains flow from Acheron And fortunes forged from frauds That rusted gold and rotting iron And cabbages and kings And bold reformers, sweetly sipping From the Pierian spring *** I saw the seventh angel fly About the city wall The trumpets sounded to the sky And bid the ramparts fall I saw the precipice collapse And felt within my rage Perchance false labor, yet perhaps The dawning of an age (But ages are such fickle things With boundaries never clear Like empires vast demarked by springs That shift from year to year) *** Has Jericho not also pride? Feels she not also pain? ?Tis fair to in a brothel hide And empathy disdain The sandstone blocks that form her walls Were chiseled each by hand Her gardens and her marble halls The fairest in the land Is marble greater than the rose Because it never gives? Or lesser, for the flower grows And marble never lives? *** I saw the King again arise To lift the bitter curse And built the arches to the skies As mighty as the first I saw the King again arise And vengeance turn away Who made a salve for blind mens eyes From iron mixed with clay I saw the King again arise And break the bitter chains I saw compassion in his eyes And Jericho remains

Up the ladder: Duff firs, Nawal
Down the ladder: will you?

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Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
 GraphVotes
10  .. 1313
.. 124
.. 116
.. 55
.. 01
.. 42
.. 21
.. 10
.. 14
.. 41
.. 1013

Arithmetic Mean: 5.9823008
Weighted score: 5.9823008
Overall Rank: 1326
Posted: May 7, 2002 9:51 AM PDT; Last modified: May 7, 2002 9:51 AM PDT
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Comments:
[8] deleted user @ | 8-May-02/9:06 PM | Reply
Nicely done.
[9] searching @ | 9-May-02/4:59 AM | Reply
Beautiful!
[10]... anonymous @ | 9-May-02/2:37 PM | Reply
Ten. Did you write this? If so, you rock. It's sort of an update to Ozymandias.
[10]... anonymous @ | 10-May-02/11:44 AM | Reply
resonates a tad much of Rush lyrics one might find written on a high school notebook. solid poem, though
[9] ErgoErgun @ 216.144.194.246 | 16-May-02/9:29 AM | Reply
It has no relation to Ozymandias. Seems Coleridge's Mariner rhyme scheme can be used very effectively. Great job.
[5] lilli @ 134.226.1.158 | 23-May-02/2:37 AM | Reply
you could cut some of the philiosophising, because that seems rhyme driven and doesn't really make sense. I kind of agree with the Rush lyrics: actually, it reminds me of a songs by early 70s band the Strawbs.. less said about that the better. But ballads are good, we like ballads...
[10] deleted user @ 64.12.104.163 | 26-May-02/9:59 AM | Reply
You are very talented, you couln,t have written this.
[9] Mistaya @ 64.169.154.22 | 1-Jun-02/5:08 PM | Reply
Very nice
beautiful use of words
[1] timfowler @ 195.93.32.186 | 2-Jun-02/9:16 AM | Reply
This is 2002, not 1902. Try reading something written in the last 20 years and youmight realise how distressingly out of touch this is.
[n/a] razorgrin @ 142.166.107.30 | 20-Jun-02/7:50 AM | Reply
This is nice.
[8] daniella @ 67.34.28.215 | 7-Jul-02/5:11 AM | Reply
its all about Him and His-story.
[8] AmericanWigeon @ 24.189.127.227 | 7-Jul-02/11:50 AM | Reply
Very nice. Good rhyme-and-meter poetry is hard to find these days. I like it!
[8] forestchild7 @ 209.214.87.75 | 7-Jul-02/12:38 PM | Reply
Very intriguing... it almost seems like it's possibly based on the bible... although if I'm wrong let me know... *smile* EF
[10] GAC @ 206.72.46.253 | 8-Jul-02/7:49 AM | Reply
This is real poetry. Well done. I get so tired of those essays that are divided into lines to look like poetry. It's a pleasure to read a real poem.
[10] GAC @ 206.72.46.253 | 8-Jul-02/7:49 AM | Reply
This is real poetry. Well done. I get so tired of those essays that are divided into lines to look like poetry. It's a pleasure to read a real poem.
[9] Twisted Wizard @ 66.157.65.55 | 8-Jul-02/2:33 PM | Reply
simply amazing, nice touch
[8] savagemikel @ 24.29.70.43 | 9-Jul-02/10:44 AM | Reply
Some part struggle a bit, others are just brilliant. The marble and rose thing particularly very nice. Thanks
[8] lynnstratton @ 12.250.211.210 | 9-Jul-02/3:21 PM | Reply
Thoroughly enjoyed this poem. A tad rough around the edges in places, but all over a nice experience. Give me more!
[5] horus8 @ 24.126.113.154 | 9-Jul-02/5:44 PM | Reply
What no Joshua, no Aaron, no trumpets! maybe Sodom and Gamora would have been a better subject.
Nice spacing though??
[10] elixir @ 213.42.1.246 | 10-Jul-02/1:45 PM | Reply
This really moved me.... keep up the good work... you are great..
[8] Blake @ 63.53.94.186 | 10-Jul-02/6:55 PM | Reply
Though it has uneven purpose
And never perfect meets
No matter how one interprets
It ranks with early Keats.
[n/a] deleted user @ 24.199.93.49 | 12-Jul-02/8:13 AM | Reply
A fine sensitivity, command of language. A bit obfuscated, but a fine effort nonetheless.
[9] jfackf @ 207.6.153.71 | 12-Jul-02/11:14 PM | Reply
wonderful, original,
[9] deleted user @ 67.193.100.1 | 13-Jul-02/4:42 PM | Reply
Very, very well done. I like how you stuck to the same format and rhythm.
[n/a] deleted user @ 68.12.170.240 | 13-Jul-02/5:15 PM | Reply
Very Very good! I liked how detailed it was.
[7] Jill Stockinger @ 209.162.37.68 | 14-Jul-02/2:20 PM | Reply
First line equating ships-plural-with one dove, singular,bothered
me a little tho I guess you mean all in a formation created a sight of "one body." Liked how you kept rhyme going, many good images. Jill S.
[10] bluwiz @ 203.168.20.236 | 17-Jul-02/7:52 AM | Reply
wow... i loved the phrasing... how you said it... wow... and it's not hard to get what it means... one of the nicest poems i've read... so nice... i like the part about the marble and the flower in particular...
[10] Amelia @ 198.146.142.174 | 25-Jul-02/8:36 AM | Reply
Wonderful! just Wonderful! C'est Magnifique!
[9] <~> @ 167.206.181.179 | 25-Jul-02/11:24 AM | Reply
'ages are such fickle things'...'marble never lives'...two of my favorite pieces of a well-crafted and rhythmic treat. nice.
[5] horus8 @ 24.126.113.154 | 29-Jul-02/3:46 PM | Reply
thank god this heap of steaming crocodile shit has been tossed out of number one. it's Virgilw/out the virgin. que lastima pinche
[10] deleted user @ 152.163.188.228 | 29-Jul-02/10:12 PM | Reply
Beatifuly done!!I love it,looks like your the only one that disagres..too bad
[9] New Life Drug @ 64.175.37.174 | 31-Jul-02/2:32 PM | Reply
Hey this would make an awesome song. Its definitely good.
[9] Sigh'ense... @ 209.245.64.172 | 31-Jul-02/2:47 PM | Reply
like a proverb of some sort and it is very saucy.
[4] deleted user @ 24.126.228.131 | 5-Aug-02/3:45 PM | Reply
Your biblical imagry is muddled: are you referring to the fall of Jericho, the story of Samson, or the tower of Babel? The end of your poem also implies a forgiveness of God, possibly of jesus? Yet Jesus never retroactivly forgave the enemies of the Isrealites. All these stories and figures are mentioned, with no coherent link. You also used the words "perchance", "'tis"... you can do better then that. Your metaphors (night seduce the day) are pedestrian, your rhyming very predictable. Lyric poetry that mimics old lyric poetry usually just plain sucks. The form calls for very developed, complex wordplay, which this poem totally lacks.
[5] Bachus @ 24.126.113.154 | 5-Aug-02/4:06 PM | Reply
Ditto, this is truely a heap of biblical yawnage. Befuddling, crippled and so fucking polite it makes me want to burn Christmas, Jesus, King David,and Jeopardy for even giving these twits fuel enough to get this far!@
[10] Venus @ 152.163.197.178 | 8-Aug-02/10:52 AM | Reply
Beautiful and moving
[9] brazen @ 12.90.36.121 | 13-Aug-02/11:04 AM | Reply
if metallica got their hands on this they'd have a new 'creeping death'...don't let that happen.
[7] Christof @ 195.172.133.226 | 22-Aug-02/2:08 AM | Reply
This is a very traditional poem on a very traditional subject. That said, the rhyming is really good - totally unforced, especially in the stanza discussing the marble and the rose - and the metre is flawlessy adhered to. I'm not so sure about the syntactical inversion ''Tis fair to in a brothel hide' though.It's 1798 all over again....
[10] Katie @ 199.201.190.5 | 11-Sep-02/1:25 PM | Reply
beautiful!! I love it!! cootos to you!! =)10/10!!
[3] strider1 @ 212.159.107.13 | 9-Oct-02/12:12 PM | Reply
Ok Kipling, Blake-somebody bake a cake- its too nice for here -get some street cred and come back when you are a big boy/girl/thing-or whatever stay here if you like it-kind of between lex and 47th-say 5/10
[n/a] jrtails @ 212.219.142.161 | 14-Oct-02/8:04 AM | Reply
Don't like it, sorry....
[10] sir_heff @ 65.172.117.1 | 8-Jan-03/9:49 AM | Reply
verry good, i'll smoke to that!
[5] Bachus @ 24.126.113.154 | 12-Jan-03/12:37 PM | Reply
A termagant in a jumpsuit. ???
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