newhowl5 Aug 2002

Your biblical imagry is muddled: are you referring to the fall of Jericho, the story of Samson, or the tower of Babel? The end of your poem also implies a forgiveness of God, possibly of jesus? Yet Jesus never retroactivly forgave the enemies of the Isrealites. All these stories and figures are mentioned, with no coherent link. You also used the words "perchance", "'tis"... you can do better then that. Your metaphors (night seduce the day) are pedestrian, your rhyming very predictable. Lyric poetry that mimics old lyric poetry usually just plain sucks. The form calls for very developed, complex wordplay, which this poem totally lacks.