poemranker ::Dancing with the Dandelions by Piano

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Free verse № 238

Dancing with the Dandelions

by Piano

Member since 2001 · Posted 16 Mar 2002 · 12 comments

we spent our days laughing in the sunshine running in the fields dancing with the dandelions we were so young and so carefree children in the brightness the rain falling on our faces oh, how soft the breeze blew and stole our precious flowers the frightful storm of reality ripped through our lives oblivious of us, of me, of you and like the dandelions we too have gone to seed blown away in the wind we grow amongst the weed I want to walk in the sun again to be a child of the sun again to feel the rain on my face again to dance with the dandelions again

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mean 5.79 weighted 5.78 rank 1713 views 182 View voting details →

28 votes so far. Yours would make 29.28 votes so far

12 comments

[n/a] deleted user 16-Mar-02/1:21 AM Reply
dance like the dandelions is good, but the other images are cliche (lauging in the sunshine, rain on my face, running in the fields). You need to focus on your new words.structures.
[5] anonymous 17-Jul-01/4:38 AM Reply
Better than ya think, Piano! Shar
[5] anonymous 9-Sep-01/6:57 PM Reply
me too...
[n/a] nentwined 16-Mar-02/1:21 AM Reply
the last line seems offrhythm, but I like the rest a lot.
[5] anonymous 10-Apr-02/8:15 AM Reply
you lose the rhythm in the last stanza. Try losing the last three "agains"....Try: I want to walk in the sun again/To be a child of the sun/To feel the rain on my face/To dance with dandelions
[5] anonymous 10-Apr-02/8:21 AM Reply
you have a lot of superfluous articles that get in the way of your flow. We spent days/laughing in sunshine/running fields/dancing with dandelions/We were young/carefree/children in brightness/falling rain on our faces/ the breeze blew soft/stole our precious flower/the frightful storm/ripped our lives/oblivious/like dandelions/we too have gone to seed/blown away in the wind/we grow amongst the weed/I want to walk in the sun again/be a child of the sun/feel the rain on my face/dance with dandelions
[n/a] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 28-May-02/12:43 PM Reply
The only dance you shall be dancing is the hideous dance of shame. Now put on your cloggs and begin.
[n/a] Piano 28-May-02/9:05 PM Reply
DA, that might have hurt coming from someone who actually reads the poems. But since it's painfully obvious that all you do during your time here is pick fights, I am completely unscathed. Have you ever given someone a rating of more than 1? Ever given a pleasant or hell, even a legitimate comment? Didn't think so. Try again.
[n/a] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 29-May-02/3:07 AM Reply
Actually I did not submit a vote for your poeme. The '1' you got must have been provided by someone else. Get your facts straight before you ruthlessly accuse innocent Americans of giving your wonderful poemes naughty marks.
[n/a] Piano 30-May-02/3:18 AM Reply
Truly sorry, DA. I guess I took your "dance of shame" remark as a personal attack. Forgive and forget, eh?
[1] deleted user 15-Jul-02/9:43 AM Reply
Dandelions are SUPPOSED to go to seed, and grow amongst the weed.
[7] deleted user 10-Aug-02/9:22 PM Reply
good imagery