Re: The Last Stop by Quiet-Ralph	15-Sep-03/2:13 PM
a quaint viewpoint, but could be more powerfully presented. maybe if you gave examples of how you did nothing? also (for my taste) could use a bit more flow... or punctuation... or something. reads choppily.
Re: Can you comment and vote? by LuckyJoe	16-Sep-03/7:05 AM
"to" hard? perhaps. "of which you depend"? ew. "one" and "come" should be split by a comma. the flow is rocky. to a point? I see the one point, but the poem's got bits sticking out every which way, detracting (I think) from the spearhead. but a cute idea.
Re: Evacuation harnessed angel Vs. The antichrist by Bachus	16-Sep-03/7:06 AM
cute, though the first and third lines seem too connected.
regarding some deleted poem...	16-Sep-03/7:07 AM
seems to have a good flow, but the "black and white" dichotomy and word choice doesn't work for me.
regarding some deleted poem...	16-Sep-03/7:09 AM
manicly paused? and scribed? gave you as a gift of love? (the... what?) hmm.
Re: Spring Wind by William Delacroix	16-Sep-03/7:12 AM
well done, overall; I really like the form you used here. perhaps too blatant throughouht, and "time does not move forward in this place" made me think you had killed her, while later lines disabused this notion. thoughts.
Re: naive gazer by richa	16-Sep-03/7:18 AM
"the case of the naive gazer *is* aligning the stars*? or... the case? no, I just don't get that. why a comma after hidden? and a semicolon after swap? and a comma after meant? I think I like this poem but for its structure. or the punctuation. if you're going to have so much, why not actually match it up the way it's "supposed" to go? (or if you're tossing it in randomly, is that meant to be a comment on the stars? everything else seems deliberate...?) 6 as is.
Re: naive gazer by richa	16-Sep-03/8:56 AM
9. nicely done. [Or I'm in a good mood this morning, but I don't quite think it's that]
Re: End of year poem by <~>	16-Sep-03/9:25 AM
I liked "I hold solace in my hand", and though perhaps you could simply do something mure subtle with the ball dropping. waiting for the out bugs me more than the ball, I think. Though it's hard to say. And I don't really "get" stowing solace. an 8, here.
Re: End of year poem by <~>	16-Sep-03/9:36 AM
hmmyes. 9.
Re: Cyber Junkie by J.B. Manning	16-Sep-03/12:51 PM
not bad. a couple stumbles, but enjoyable. [[I'm am but a slut?]]
regarding some deleted poem...	16-Sep-03/1:22 PM
hypothulated? overall, cute, though I'm not into the "look, vision, vision sucks" thing. is this a response to ... (what was it called... "i am blind" or some such?)
Re: A new beginning by hobojo	16-Sep-03/1:23 PM
beating you in a miniskirt?
Re: Night walker by INTRANSIT	17-Sep-03/8:00 AM
someone's dame. ;) a bit weak in the end; I think I needed more syntactic sugar (only imagine "that"), and then... the that before "she'd leave" confuses me. bad sentence. no biscuit. ;) honestly you could drop the last stanza entirely and I think it would be stronger for it. 15/20. Hmm.
Re: The empty room by INTRANSIT	17-Sep-03/8:02 AM
hilarious. :) 9.
Re: It's about truckin' by INTRANSIT	17-Sep-03/8:11 AM
flow suggestions: "and doin' the rounds" (drop "the")? [[why not 13, 15, 18, or thirteen, fifteen, eighteen?]] (gearing down / keeping control) -> "gearing down for control" "despite the laws driving drunk is on the rise"? [nah, not quite] :/ "a means to an end" feels clunky. "and ontime delivery of the oxygen keeping grandma alive" (still not quite) "still delivering a smile" -> "but delivering a smile" (less of a pause, somehow) 8 hoping for more flow, or more pointed stop-and-go (as the <~>-meister states)
Re: Cyber Junkie by J.B. Manning	17-Sep-03/9:36 AM
pleasantly fun. a couple points where I'm not sure if you meant what you say or not (manor or manner? both make sense... "a wisp of wanting breath?" waning? or... I can kinda see wanting, but not quite a wisp of it. leaning towards wanting "separated by our thoughts" to be "separated by our thought" ... "die" into the depths, or "dive" into the depths? cna see both, but it's not entirely clear that it's not a typo. 7.5, leaning towards 7 for now.
Re: Manila by poetandknowit	17-Sep-03/1:58 PM
perfection. [[eloquently painted]]
Re: Those Motherfuckers Have Moved Out And So Have I by JoyLuck	17-Sep-03/6:10 PM
this should be under 'concrete', no? do I really have to make an 'ascii art' category? [[would people use it if I did?]] la la la. cute, given its history.
regarding some deleted poem...	17-Sep-03/6:13 PM
is the title 'my 80th poem' important to the piece? and the explanation... why is it there? 'konw' -> 'know'