regarding some deleted poem...	14-Sep-03/7:30 PM
"As if my life could get more rough." you mean "couldn't"? trite. how is this a concrete poem? [[ah, further down: lyric. you can change that, you know ;)]]
Re: my fucking dad by timvick473662003	14-Sep-03/7:34 PM
you've got some good (if not overdone) material, but the execution of it leaves room for polish. or a couple more tries. I'd suggest losing the first stanza and getting straight into the action. less generic angst, more bloody details, more specific emotion, less... less of every other poem on this subject.
Re: Plastic is Forever by http://mulberryfairy	14-Sep-03/7:36 PM
I like this. could use some spit and polish, but I'm not quite sure where. 9.
Re: < A Perfect Faith > by Mona Lisa	14-Sep-03/7:37 PM
I don't get it. :/
Re: Watching My Son Sleep. by Mona Lisa	14-Sep-03/7:38 PM
why the dash in snoring?
Re: horse ass, whore ass, poor asses by peaceseeker	14-Sep-03/7:40 PM
strange.
Re: tRuNdLe WhEeL by ?-Dave_Mysterious-?	14-Sep-03/7:44 PM
A couple matters of rhythm bug me, but I like the tone.
Re: empty by timvick473662003	14-Sep-03/7:45 PM
"staring" not "starring". a common theme. This doesn't stand out for me. though a bit of curiousity in "hiding in the shadows" and being afraid of "them all" (the shadows you're hiding in, or all the staring people that aren't there?)
Re: Falling by Lifeboatman	14-Sep-03/9:38 PM
cute.
Re: These are not just words by impert&ent	14-Sep-03/10:22 PM
Actually, I really like the first and third (last) stanzas. I think it would stand more strongly without the second. But I really like it. :)
Re: empty by timvick473662003	15-Sep-03/6:39 AM
why the "u" for "you"? is it part of the point of the poem, or do you think it's "cool"? previous comments apply minus the "starring" (was the "u" there before? :/)
Re: The Killing Festival Anthem by William Delacroix	15-Sep-03/6:40 AM
very cute. :)
Re: Alone by Artemis745	15-Sep-03/6:41 AM
I think the "big words" are trying too hard for something that's been said too much. Though "cloven wings" has me curious. ?
Re: Broken Child by Artemis745	15-Sep-03/6:44 AM
I need more to see if you're saying something interesting. Some work on the flow of it would make people more willing to listen to whatever message you have.
Re: My nails are in love with your chalkboard by Jeremi B. Handrinos	15-Sep-03/6:45 AM
14. more poetry, less grocery list
Re: A Night Nurse by The_Third_Isis	15-Sep-03/7:13 AM
it stumbles at the beginning but picks up rhythm as it goes. why the gawdoffal speeling? but with a rhythm tuck and a spelling fix, I think this would be really nice. 7 as it is.
Re: You are a divider by Bachus	15-Sep-03/7:15 AM
I like this, though I can't think why. 9.
Re: Crunch by Semper Phildelis	15-Sep-03/8:48 AM
I laughed. 7.
regarding some deleted poem...	15-Sep-03/9:53 AM
=) why "title lies in poem", though? 9.
Re: levered 'n loved by A. Nomaly	15-Sep-03/2:11 PM
hmm. ?