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These are not just words

Member since 2003 · Posted 14 Sep 2003 · Edited 14 Sep 2003 · 9 comments

The moon is not a chalk mark Against grey slate. Brilliant tonight As it hovers between wisps of cloud. Words are not meant to persuade But to convey. The moon is not just a disc Illuminating the night. My companion On the walk home through Black Patch Park. These are not merely words Strung together in pretty lines. When you reduce me to my words, Cutting away the meaning To focus on the phrasing The rest of me is pitched Into darkness.

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3 votes so far. Yours would make 4.3 votes so far

9 comments

[8] Lifeboatman 14-Sep-03/9:02 PM Reply

moon is good.. ending sucks.. ending in you, still..

[n/a] impert&ent › Lifeboatman 14-Sep-03/10:21 PM Reply

Okay. I try some more. Had a 4th stanza in mind anyway, so it's not over yet.
Not sure what this means: "ending in you, still.." A sixth line at the end?

[9] nentwined 14-Sep-03/10:22 PM Reply

Actually, I really like the first and third (last) stanzas. I think it would stand more strongly without the second. But I really like it. :)

[n/a] impert&ent › nentwined 14-Sep-03/10:40 PM Reply

Thanks. Now where's that emoticon for 'I'm honored'?

[9] nentwined › impert&ent 14-Sep-03/10:44 PM Reply

well, there's always the "alms" link at the top ;) ;) ;)

but no, just using the site is good for me. :) hey, I enjoyed reading the poem. (and that's after going through a dozen 2-4's on the "recent" list (skipping the babel because I didn't have the time to unbabel it)

hmm. shouldn't be here talking. should be either asleep or working on the thing I convinced myself I was going to do before sleeping. ;)

[n/a] GeschÃ¤ftsreise › nentwined 14-Sep-03/11:18 PM Reply

I woose more weaders that way...

[n/a] GeschÃ¤ftsreise 14-Sep-03/10:29 PM Reply

I couldn't agree more with your sentiment (my babelfish poetry may entertain you if you feel this way).

However if I were to focus on your phrasing I would say that words can and are meant to persuade as well as convey. Otherwise what are salesmen?

But the last stanza is gorgeous, and even more than that - it is a passionate truth.

[n/a] impert&ent › GeschÃ¤ftsreise 14-Sep-03/10:59 PM Reply

What are salesmen? Chopped liver, perhaps?
Thanks for the comments. I'm not trying to express a truth, especially not a truth applicable in all circumstances. And I do think words convey, while arguments persuade. However, I too was less than satisfied with persuade/convey, but it works better than the alternatives I've come up with so far.

[10] daniella 16-Jun-05/8:23 PM Reply

Words are not meant to persuade
But to convey... perfect synthesis.