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These are not just words (Free verse) by impert&ent
The moon is not a chalk mark Against grey slate. Brilliant tonight As it hovers between wisps of cloud. Words are not meant to persuade But to convey. The moon is not just a disc Illuminating the night. My companion On the walk home through Black Patch Park. These are not merely words Strung together in pretty lines. When you reduce me to my words, Cutting away the meaning To focus on the phrasing The rest of me is pitched Into darkness.

Up the ladder: Undertow

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Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
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Arithmetic Mean: 6.3333335
Weighted score: 5.1589375
Overall Rank: 5045
Posted: September 14, 2003 6:55 PM PDT; Last modified: September 14, 2003 10:14 PM PDT
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Comments:
[8] Lifeboatman @ 202.78.97.57 | 14-Sep-03/9:02 PM | Reply
moon is good.. ending sucks.. ending in you, still..
[n/a] impert&ent @ 82.36.27.74 > Lifeboatman | 14-Sep-03/10:21 PM | Reply
Okay. I try some more. Had a 4th stanza in mind anyway, so it's not over yet.
Not sure what this means: "ending in you, still.." A sixth line at the end?
[9] nentwined @ 66.92.183.34 | 14-Sep-03/10:22 PM | Reply
Actually, I really like the first and third (last) stanzas. I think it would stand more strongly without the second. But I really like it. :)
[n/a] impert&ent @ 82.36.27.74 > nentwined | 14-Sep-03/10:40 PM | Reply
Thanks. Now where's that emoticon for 'I'm honored'?
[9] nentwined @ 192.168.0.254 > impert&ent | 14-Sep-03/10:44 PM | Reply
well, there's always the "alms" link at the top ;) ;) ;)

but no, just using the site is good for me. :) hey, I enjoyed reading the poem. (and that's after going through a dozen 2-4's on the "recent" list (skipping the babel because I didn't have the time to unbabel it)

hmm. shouldn't be here talking. should be either asleep or working on the thing I convinced myself I was going to do before sleeping. ;)
[n/a] Geschäftsreise @ 4.40.32.229 > nentwined | 14-Sep-03/11:18 PM | Reply
I woose more weaders that way...
[n/a] Geschäftsreise @ 4.40.32.229 | 14-Sep-03/10:29 PM | Reply
I couldn't agree more with your sentiment (my babelfish poetry may entertain you if you feel this way).

However if I were to focus on your phrasing I would say that words can and are meant to persuade as well as convey. Otherwise what are salesmen?

But the last stanza is gorgeous, and even more than that - it is a passionate truth.
[n/a] impert&ent @ 82.36.27.74 > Geschäftsreise | 14-Sep-03/10:59 PM | Reply
What are salesmen? Chopped liver, perhaps?
Thanks for the comments. I'm not trying to express a truth, especially not a truth applicable in all circumstances. And I do think words convey, while arguments persuade. However, I too was less than satisfied with persuade/convey, but it works better than the alternatives I've come up with so far.
[10] daniella @ 200.89.142.43 | 16-Jun-05/8:23 PM | Reply
Words are not meant to persuade
But to convey... perfect synthesis.

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