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The Last Stop (Free verse) by Quiet-Ralph While waiting at the last stop
I contemplate the decisions of my life
How have I made a difference
With every raising of the sun
A new ray of hope was given
Time to complete my task
Gain a greater knowledge
As I set and look on my past
Nothing has changed, I'm still getting on and off at the last stop
Up the ladder:
The Plan
Down the ladder:
hells kitchen
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Arithmetic Mean: 3.5
Posted: September 15, 2003 1:15 PM PDT; Last modified: September 15, 2003 1:15 PM PDTWeighted score: 4.8211956 Overall Rank: 10863 Comments:
[5]
nentwined @ 209.31.226.178
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15-Sep-03/2:13 PM
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Reply
a quaint viewpoint, but could be more powerfully presented. maybe if you gave examples of how you did nothing? also (for my taste) could use a bit more flow... or punctuation... or something. reads choppily.
"with every raising of the sun
A new ray of hope was given" sounds too trite, too cliched. I like the equating of getting on and off a bus with life in general, final last stop being death- should work on this poem more, neat idea here.
I'm always whining about my life too...only I put it in people's food.
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