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The Last Stop

Member since 2003 · Posted 15 Sep 2003 · 3 comments

While waiting at the last stop I contemplate the decisions of my life How have I made a difference With every raising of the sun A new ray of hope was given Time to complete my task Gain a greater knowledge As I set and look on my past Nothing has changed, I'm still getting on and off at the last stop

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4 votes so far. Yours would make 5.4 votes so far

3 comments

[5] nentwined 15-Sep-03/2:13 PM Reply

a quaint viewpoint, but could be more powerfully presented. maybe if you gave examples of how you did nothing? also (for my taste) could use a bit more flow... or punctuation... or something. reads choppily.

[5] Jill Stockinger 15-Sep-03/4:00 PM Reply

"with every raising of the sun
A new ray of hope was given" sounds too trite, too cliched.
I like the equating of getting on and off a bus with life in general, final last stop being death- should work on this poem more, neat idea here.

[n/a] deleted user 15-Sep-03/4:45 PM Reply

I'm always whining about my life too...only I put it in people's food.