Night walker

Member since 2002 · Posted 4 Sep 2003 · 3 comments

She was cheeky as she strutted from truck to truck earning her bucks. Leggy with one stride she could step from ride to ride. And when the cops came it was all the same, part of the game just someones dame. I could only imagine she would do what she could to borrow or steal away her sorrow. That she'd leave the safety of her home and do it again tomorrow.

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mean 6.00 weighted 5.50 rank 2706 views 257 View voting details →

9 votes so far. Yours would make 10.9 votes so far

3 comments

[7] Jeremi B. Handrinos 4-Sep-03/6:13 PM Reply

Starts of strong, but then does not deliver as well as it could.

[8] Bill Z Bub 4-Sep-03/6:15 PM Reply

Not bad at'all.

[7] nentwined 17-Sep-03/8:00 AM Reply

someone's dame. ;)

a bit weak in the end; I think I needed more syntactic sugar (only imagine "that"), and then... the that before "she'd leave" confuses me. bad sentence. no biscuit. ;)

honestly you could drop the last stanza entirely and I think it would be stronger for it. 15/20. Hmm.