Re: 9 Things to Eat for Breakfast & Why by A. Nomaly |
7-Mar-09/3:05 PM |
Yeah, I've endured that diet... I suspect my guts will rumble one day in revolt.
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Re: brain cookies by nentwined |
7-Mar-09/3:00 PM |
Tsk tsk. Have you ever sampled the delights of a Shit-Crumpet good sir? Its delectable flavour causes one to dismiss entirely all other confections available to the senses-- and of this I can assure you!
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Re: for the slaves and the seekers by Bill Z Bub |
7-Mar-09/2:55 PM |
I say we prefer rough'n dirty penetration
'cause it's better than solitary masturbation!
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Re: Dream Samurai by Lifeboatman |
7-Mar-09/2:47 PM |
Make it a glass pipe and we got something. Seven.
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Re: harvest moon by Caducus |
7-Mar-09/2:44 PM |
Plenty of imagery, esoteric symbolism and word play-- unfortunately crouched in the shadows, vague near to the point of meaninglessness. Seven.
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Re: the only thing worse than living (revised, liberated) by Bill Z Bub |
7-Mar-09/2:37 PM |
I lived that moment once before... and many times after. The poem doesn't feel random or lacking to me at all. Then again, I'm perhaps an altogether different breed. Ten.
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Re: 2am and sober in the digital age by nentwined |
7-Mar-09/2:33 PM |
I think you should play with it more.. doesn't quite snap-pop like zen. Seven.
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Re: the end of the world, c'est soir by Bill Z Bub |
7-Mar-09/2:29 PM |
Robotic spasms! Tsk. Seven.
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Re: prove me wrong by nentwined |
7-Mar-09/2:26 PM |
I think the title should be "Pessimism & Projections.".
The poem is direct, simple-- lacking perhaps a little creative flare it still possesses the savage spark none-the-less.
Eight.
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Re: Final Dates, part 1: through gates of smoke and salt by Bill Z Bub |
7-Mar-09/2:19 PM |
"Soon, or much later": Pick either _soon_, or _much later_. It gnaws at me.
That aside, it's a exquisite piece that's got a lot of soul and personal depth. Nine.
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Re: a comment on To Poets Whose Writing is Fecal. by SupremeDreamer |
3-Jan-09/10:13 PM |
Publishing online is a bitch and a half... one must be hidden amongst the mounds of crud. Every bastard with a keyboard feels his crud is gold.
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Re: a comment on To Poets Whose Writing is Fecal. by SupremeDreamer |
3-Jan-09/11:43 AM |
repost link mofo, you messed it up. Or mention title.
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Re: 2012 by winniss |
14-Dec-08/11:13 PM |
... No, no. You're not doing it right. Ever hear of haiku? Fuck, I'll do it for you.
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Re: Waking by Sasha |
14-Dec-08/11:09 PM |
I say scrap this as a sonnet and slash s1 and let s2 stand alone. Just my opinion.
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Re: Watching December's Wind by dclark |
14-Dec-08/11:06 PM |
Grasping at straw in the wind. It wasn't that quaint.
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Re: travel down, stop sign by skaskowski |
14-Dec-08/11:03 PM |
Seems like the ending needs fine tuning.. or perhaps I'm just itching at ghosts.
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Re: a comment on :: snowsounds by elementalidad |
7-Sep-08/1:40 PM |
Well I'm sure I've read other poems with reference to owls, etc. Don't mind me, I suffer from periodic strikes of deja-vu.
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Re: BEHIND HIS BOWED HEAD by iowajerms |
5-Sep-08/8:33 PM |
Repetive displays of title are annoying. Unneccesary capitalization irritates my savage soul.
I'm going to reshape this, since I feel that this peice possesses substance worthy of salvation:
-Redemption on the mat.-
I watch as he sits alone
on the last chair, hands clasped
behind his bowed head-- body drenched
with sweat, hair disheveled, struggling
painfully to catch his breath.
He left the mat without his pride,
without victory, the confidence
he had stepping in manifestly absent.
He started the match
in the best shape of his life,
brawnier now than ever.
He started out strong, then
at the end he just froze.
Should have won, but he didn't,
having not done his best.
He allowed arrogance to hold sway,
failing to utilize the depths
of his skills and training.
Wiping away the tears he sighs,
sucking in the shame, knowing that
he will never forget this failure.
This lesson has prepared him;
his opponent will know of it
the next time he steps on the mat,
and feel the pain of past mistakes.
-------------------------------------------
Here's a six for conjuring up something worth writing.
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Re: WISHES SHE COULD FORGET and FLOWERS BY THE ROCK by iowajerms |
5-Sep-08/7:40 PM |
The whole narrative first poem is unneccesary baggage.
Dump it in the grave from whence it sprung.
My advice for the second poem? Redo it and utter this phrase with devotion, in the manner of holy mantra:
"Cleave away the rot, preserve the nutritive flesh of this piteous slab of crude meat; see to it that thy fellow warrior may feast and be satiated with potent substance."
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Re: GOD'S MOST WONDERFUL CREATION by iowajerms |
5-Sep-08/7:23 PM |
No. This is not your local Church choir, this is not Hallmarks Superlative Christians' Division.
This is the Ranker:- A mighty kingdom where the most ruthless of warrior poets reside and conduct the ritual of courtly battle. Your "poem" is a disgrace to our proud temple of literature. So I say:
"BEGONE FROM THIS MIGHTY KINGDOM, AND DO NOT DARE PRESENT YOUR LOWLY SPECTRE BEFORE OUR MIGHTY EYES EVER AGAIN!"
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