Re: a comment on GOD'S MOST WONDERFUL CREATION by iowajerms	5-Sep-08/7:14 PM
You really must not spare the rod. Thou shall fortify thy spine if thou wisheth to bestow examens of anothers' meager pennings.
Re: Hum by Nepanthe	5-Sep-08/7:10 PM
This should be termed either a "micro poem" or a "teaser poem". It seems as if you conjured up an awesome outline of a mighty centurions' head and never got around to giving him a body in which to conduct battle. I demand that this warrior be given flesh, blood, and a wicked keen blade!! I want to say eight, or even nine at this point;- but since you left your behemoth wanting, I am forced to give this a five.
Re: Time to leap by hobojo	5-Sep-08/7:02 PM
I think you should cut out "for that place" and simply end S4 with "better to wait." Also, its "damn", not "dam".-- Instead of "do not look back", use the contraction -don't-. Also I think the line "so far have you come" would be better edited to "you've come so far"-- It's a tad cliche but it sounds better and sometimes these things can not be avoided. Some capitalization and punctuation wouldn't hurt either, but it's not absolutely necessary.
Re: a comment on Warlord by INTRANSIT	5-Sep-08/6:54 PM
You think you're in a slow spot? I'm in gridlock on the 101 North carpool lane gettin out of Hollywood & the smog hell shroud of LA. Inspiration hasn't had an electric storm in my area for sometime;- sad days for a veteran lightning rod.
Re: Warlord by INTRANSIT	5-Sep-08/6:50 PM
Pablo Escobar. I think the last line should be: "I'd have been better than Pablo." And may I suggest the title "Rebirth & Cocaine Jungles."?
Re: Suicide Note(Broken Down) by alvinb	5-Sep-08/6:46 PM
I have a better exit stategy.
Re: a comment on Gadgets and Poems by Dovina	5-Sep-08/6:26 PM
If your going to suggest edits, keep in mind the rearrangements that would be necessary: --- The carpet’s rise, soft on my bare sole, where its cable moved snake-like... My father made clever devices for specific uses—- a sharpener for an old kind of lawn mower that nobody used but him—- a remote control for his old TV when all the new ones came with them... I remember the grin from his easy chair as he pulled its choke-like knob and listened as the sound decreased. His reward, like mine, was not only use, but also joy in success, and the occasional approving glance from an amused onlooker. I go to my dark storage room sometimes to consider again the pedal from an old sewing machine that he lashed up with the speedometer cable from an old car, and the motor from somewhere that turned the cable and drove its tiny end with small tools-- Fine as a dentist’s drill, for carving his art. Here is where I write a few lines, not as clever as his devices, but useful in the same kind of way. --- Just a quick example, so you vultures can forgo the bleeding- I carry a sharp titanium quill.
Re: Gadgets and Poems by Dovina	5-Sep-08/6:17 PM
You're much better at executing prose peices... I think you should consider writing short stories, in a prosey fashion. I say nine; but since this far outweighs all of your previous posts in my opinion, I'll bless you with a ten.
Re: Coffee or Love by Nepanthe	5-Sep-08/6:13 PM
The coffee, or love? Is that what you're refering to when asking "Is it poison, is it remedy?"
Re: a comment on 5 minute poem: section by Bill Z Bub	5-Sep-08/6:10 PM
The emotional context associated with the line is not weightless to me. Expression sometimes can not live up to anothers' perspective. Been awhile hasn't it old friend?
Re: :: chameleon by elementalidad	5-Sep-08/6:08 PM
Observant Nature. Classic execution. Nine.
Re: :: snowsounds by elementalidad	5-Sep-08/6:08 PM
...Why is it I have this feeling that I've read something very close to this before?... -shrug-
Re: :: wandering by elementalidad	5-Sep-08/6:07 PM
Much better.
Re: :: a stroll by elementalidad	5-Sep-08/6:06 PM
um... no.
Re: SWF seeks SWM by Bethy	5-Sep-08/6:05 PM
Nice work. I'm sorry that there wasn't a good man there willing to give you that sexual healing- better luck next time. Blessed with eight.
Re: The KINGS by winniss	5-Sep-08/6:02 PM
You'd have a wonderful career with the Hallmark card company. If you intended originality and style, you failed. This is a replicated cliche, not a poem. I understand the sentiments intended, so I'll be nice and give this a three... 'cept we both know that a zero would be the blessing otherwise. I can feel myself starting to get weak, carrion birds need blood on their beaks.
Re: a comment on About Death & Hell? Hell can be a State of Living. by Don-Quixote	4-Sep-08/11:30 AM
Ah.. and this was the many nights, days, and moments which I've long ceased to count. It comes... it goes... I manifest illusion into destiny, fate twisted on the corner streets of reality. Thanks for the vote hobojo.
Re: a comment on Smelly Scum Child. by Y2kSlamPoet	4-Sep-08/11:22 AM
Infact, a real life story. !!! Air is never any good without the spike-caress of ganja smoke. -shrug- Heroin wasn't anything special... the needle and the poking, the pukish morning after. The appeal was ultimately lacking. Three times and I decided it was simpler, more practical, and much more enjoyable to just smoke weed and top it off with a decent ball of opium from time to time. That and a generous supply of free liquor from charitable barflies helped me scrape by the last four months I spent in Portland. Shitty part is, I can't get my grubby hands on any opium here in California... but, then again, there's always the weed, which is all I really need.
Re: a comment on Smelly Scum Child. by Y2kSlamPoet	4-Sep-08/11:13 AM
Slang can not be illiterate. Slang is slang. It is normally used by illiterate people, perhaps. Except I'm not illiterate. I can read extremely well, and I am quite capable of writing in a formidable fashion. Officially (not that it really means shit, but none-the-less I can't help but mention-) I possess a perfect score of 800 on the writing portion of my GED. The first part entailed editing grammar, spelling, punctuation, and contextual errors; the second part entailed writing a five paragraph essay on whatever subject they happen to give you for that test attempt. Illiterate people can't pull off such a simple feat. That aside, I am not a junkie. I tried heroin three times while bumming it in Portland, OR. I am the consummate pothead and full moon meth abuser. Lastly, appeal has absolutely nothing to do with anything you stupid twat. Slang is simply the life and language of the street. If you intend to write a poem about such experiences you damn sure don't write it in a prudish, pompous, and formal Queer Britain fashion. That's for narrating the deeper bow'l soul of tea parties hosted by The League of Tight Puckered Aristocrats. You foolish little woman... what oh what can breathe back the embers in your collapsed rectum?
Re: a comment on Smelly Scum Child. by Y2kSlamPoet	4-Sep-08/10:54 AM
Lies about what? The fact that I spent three and a half years on the street? If I wanted to lie, I'd write lil poems about being happy with some sex slave wife and a 200k a year job. Unfortunately I have this habit of writing with respect to my enviroment and emotional condition. Yes, I am an asshole. I am mean. I piss on pathetic wanna-be poet hacks. But my writing about being homeless is not a lie, and that will not cease being the facts simply because you are an upset little twat. PS: Go fuck yourself with a lead crucifix, bitch.