Time to leap

Member since 2002 · Posted 11 Aug 2008 · 2 comments

As I lay I drift and remember currents flowing the sounds heard of nature unwound and emotions sour melting smiles glances, caught in memory forever created together and yet so far musical attempts imagined or so real? do I only see what I want to be there? And this is my time to shed habits to grow just jump from the cliff do not fear what lies below just me alone but better than an unwanted place better to wait for that place its possible I'll never reach the destination planned but settle no more you dam fool do not look back so far have you come be proud keep going leap!

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2 votes so far. Yours would make 3.2 votes so far

2 comments

[7] SupremeDreamer 5-Sep-08/7:02 PM Reply

I think you should cut out "for that place" and simply end S4 with "better to wait." Also, its "damn", not "dam".-- Instead of "do not look back", use the contraction -don't-. Also I think the line "so far have you come" would be better edited to "you've come so far"-- It's a tad cliche but it sounds better and sometimes these things can not be avoided.

Some capitalization and punctuation wouldn't hurt either, but it's not absolutely necessary.

[n/a] hobojo › SupremeDreamer 6-Sep-08/1:02 AM Reply

Thank you - I agree with everything you recommended