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Gadgets and Poems (Prose Poem) by Dovina
My poems are like gadgets my father used to make—-a sharpener for an old kind of lawn mower that nobody used but him—-remote control for his old TV when all the new ones came with them. I remember the grin from his easy chair as he pulled its choke-like knob and listened as the sound decreased. And the carpet’s rise, soft on my bare sole, where its cable moved snake-like. My father made clever devices for specific uses. His reward, like mine, was not only use, but also joy in success, and the occasional approving glance from an amused onlooker. I go to my dark storage room sometimes to consider again the pedal from an old sewing machine that he lashed up with the speedometer cable from an old car, and the motor from somewhere that turned the cable and drove its tiny end with small tools, fine as a dentist’s drill, for carving his art. And there I write a few lines, not as clever as his devices, but useful in the same kind of way.

Down the ladder: Legends never die

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Arithmetic Mean: 8.571428
Weighted score: 5.960505
Overall Rank: 1353
Posted: August 16, 2008 5:55 PM PDT; Last modified: August 16, 2008 5:57 PM PDT
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SupremeDreamer

Comments:
[9] INTRANSIT @ 69.23.141.215 | 17-Aug-08/4:16 PM | Reply
D, I think the whole first sentence should go. I'd like to see the carpets rise be your opener. But that's me. hope you and Kansas are doing fine.
[n/a] Dovina @ 65.60.123.50 > INTRANSIT | 17-Aug-08/6:01 PM | Reply
Those Kansas remarks of last summer were like the wind pushing your backside if you're lucky. Today my bicycle leans next to the TV in coastal town of Southern California, intransit to town further south.
[10] SupremeDreamer @ 64.9.233.156 > INTRANSIT | 5-Sep-08/6:26 PM | Reply
If your going to suggest edits, keep in mind the rearrangements that would be necessary:

---
The carpet’s rise, soft on my bare sole, where its cable moved snake-like... My father made clever devices for specific uses—-
a sharpener for an old kind of lawn mower that nobody used but him—- a remote control for his old TV when all the new ones came with them... I remember the grin from his easy chair as he pulled its choke-like knob and listened as the sound decreased. His reward, like mine, was not only use, but also joy in success, and the occasional approving glance from an amused onlooker.

I go to my dark storage room sometimes to consider again the pedal from an old sewing machine that he lashed up with the speedometer cable from an old car, and the motor from somewhere that turned the cable and drove its tiny end with small tools-- Fine as a dentist’s drill, for carving his art. Here is where I write a few lines, not as clever as his devices, but useful in the same kind of way.
---

Just a quick example, so you vultures can forgo the bleeding- I carry a sharp titanium quill.
[9] Bethy @ 165.154.46.180 | 2-Sep-08/9:00 AM | Reply
I have wonderful memories like these as well.
[n/a] Dovina @ 68.183.245.166 > Bethy | 4-Sep-08/10:06 AM | Reply
Good, at least somebody is awake out there. Welcome back
[10] SupremeDreamer @ 64.9.233.156 | 5-Sep-08/6:17 PM | Reply
You're much better at executing prose peices... I think you should consider writing short stories, in a prosey fashion. I say nine; but since this far outweighs all of your previous posts in my opinion, I'll bless you with a ten.
[n/a] Dovina @ 68.183.245.151 | 6-Sep-08/6:24 AM | Reply
Two male votes for the carpet’s rise as opener. Intriguing, vague and suggestive, yes. But to say this scrawl is better than "Rancor" - well, please reconsider.
[6] half.italian @ 98.151.18.37 | 7-Sep-08/12:53 AM | Reply
I have a hard time reading "paragraph" poetry. Take out 50 words, and split it up into somewhat rhythmic lines.
[9] INTRANSIT @ 69.23.141.215 > half.italian | 10-Sep-08/10:29 AM | Reply
I saw a gal in a bookstore once (imagine that!). I think she would write out her piece in long lines, then accordian the paper left to right and then fold/strike/fold/strike words almost at random. I'm assuming alot here, but still. This is to say I agree with your suggestion.
[n/a] Dovina @ 75.82.253.189 > INTRANSIT | 10-Sep-08/10:57 AM | Reply
I
think
you
are
both
batty
[6] half.italian @ 66.77.102.10 > Dovina | 14-Sep-08/9:28 PM | Reply
[n/a] Dovina @ 75.82.253.189 > half.italian | 15-Sep-08/4:08 PM | Reply
Wow, you thought of that old one, and granted, it spares you the paragraph and the ramble. But is there no place in you heart for a fireside chat and the story handed down, the remembrance retold?
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