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harvest moon (Free verse) by Caducus
Screams from the Shanty town, locust fog knells in audio horizon. Wheat bent like chaff bearers gnawed to origin and silica. In dust bowl dress hems A farmer spills blood beads from elders wrists chanting at sky to cut rain. A shadow walker shimmers she carries a pail of locusts their eyes like garnets on a pyre ring. These fallen winged scythes are ground down by peasant teeth and washed down by rain prayer. Tomorrow the elders kill a newborn with bark from the Acacia, a handful of seed and with God's grace a harvest moon.

Up the ladder: Tears
Down the ladder: Last Call

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Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
 GraphVotes
10  .. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 40
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00

Arithmetic Mean: 7.0
Weighted score: 5.2384057
Overall Rank: 4120
Posted: March 4, 2009 5:26 AM PST; Last modified: March 4, 2009 5:26 AM PST
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Comments:
[7] nentwined @ 75.83.196.201 | 5-Mar-09/9:53 PM | Reply
"gnawed to origin and silica"? no grok.

I want more punctuation (elders' wrists? or?)

You've got some good stuff inter-woven, and I even see the thread--the thread seems solid; but I think you need to work on your stitching? a 7, but I think it could be a 9 or a 10.
[7] SupremeDreamer @ 75.30.177.160 | 7-Mar-09/2:44 PM | Reply
Plenty of imagery, esoteric symbolism and word play-- unfortunately crouched in the shadows, vague near to the point of meaninglessness. Seven.
[7] amanda_dcosta @ 82.178.138.47 | 8-Mar-09/12:13 AM | Reply
Imagery is good, though I believe it picked up pace only by the second half.
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