poemranker ::harvest moon by Caducus

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Free verse № 156555

harvest moon

Member since 2002 · Posted 4 Mar 2009 · 3 comments

Screams from the Shanty town, locust fog knells in audio horizon. Wheat bent like chaff bearers gnawed to origin and silica. In dust bowl dress hems A farmer spills blood beads from elders wrists chanting at sky to cut rain. A shadow walker shimmers she carries a pail of locusts their eyes like garnets on a pyre ring. These fallen winged scythes are ground down by peasant teeth and washed down by rain prayer. Tomorrow the elders kill a newborn with bark from the Acacia, a handful of seed and with God's grace a harvest moon.

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mean 7.00 weighted 5.24 rank 4094 views 191 View voting details →

4 votes so far. Yours would make 5.4 votes so far

3 comments

[7] nentwined 5-Mar-09/9:53 PM Reply
"gnawed to origin and silica"? no grok.

I want more punctuation (elders' wrists? or?)

You've got some good stuff inter-woven, and I even see the thread--the thread seems solid; but I think you need to work on your stitching? a 7, but I think it could be a 9 or a 10.
[7] SupremeDreamer 7-Mar-09/2:44 PM Reply
Plenty of imagery, esoteric symbolism and word play-- unfortunately crouched in the shadows, vague near to the point of meaninglessness. Seven.
[7] amanda_dcosta 8-Mar-09/12:13 AM Reply
Imagery is good, though I believe it picked up pace only by the second half.