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harvest moon (Free verse) by Caducus
Screams from the Shanty town,
locust fog knells in audio horizon.
Wheat bent like chaff bearers
gnawed to origin and silica.
In dust bowl dress hems
A farmer spills blood beads
from elders wrists
chanting at sky to cut rain.
A shadow walker shimmers
she carries a pail of locusts
their eyes like garnets on a pyre ring.
These fallen winged scythes
are ground down by peasant teeth
and washed down by rain prayer.
Tomorrow the elders kill a newborn
with bark from the Acacia,
a handful of seed and with God's grace
a harvest moon.
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
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10 |
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0 | 0 |
9 |
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0 | 0 |
8 |
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0 | 0 |
7 |
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4 | 0 |
6 |
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0 | 0 |
5 |
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0 | 0 |
4 |
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0 | 0 |
3 |
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0 | 0 |
2 |
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0 | 0 |
1 |
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0 | 0 |
0 |
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0 | 0 |
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Arithmetic Mean: 7.0
Weighted score: 5.2384057
Overall Rank: 4121
Posted: March 4, 2009 5:26 AM PST; Last modified: March 4, 2009 5:26 AM PST
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Comments:
191 view(s)
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I want more punctuation (elders' wrists? or?)
You've got some good stuff inter-woven, and I even see the thread--the thread seems solid; but I think you need to work on your stitching? a 7, but I think it could be a 9 or a 10.