| Re: Creative Destruction by talking_goldfish |
20-Aug-02/11:03 AM |
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you know, stubar, deleting a person's comment won't help you with this one. again, i say: this teaches me nothing. to fall in love with a person who is tied to another is a soul-rending experience. you piss all over the reader's digest condensed version of it. write about what you know, not what you think you know. your mirror is shallow indeed.
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| Re: Alone by NeeMan |
20-Aug-02/8:11 AM |
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hmm, the last words of each stanza: dark, hard, need, alone...does this activity require a magazine, and a box of tissues as well?
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| Re: Our New Tongue by Christof |
20-Aug-02/8:04 AM |
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even more absurd, in hindsight. but, oh, to revisit, even for a moment, the halcyon, when those oaths were one's lifeblood...
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| Re: will you? by Sapphire |
20-Aug-02/7:57 AM |
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with all those rope images, you may as well just tie him up.
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| Re: Escape by Redfin |
20-Aug-02/7:56 AM |
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sweet dreams, saccharin boy. my dreams tend to be a little more, shall we say, carnal...and that always paints a smile on my slumbering visage
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| Re: Shelter by poetandknowit |
20-Aug-02/7:51 AM |
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the image is strong but the phrasing does nothing for me.
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| Re: Belongings by Christof |
20-Aug-02/7:49 AM |
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'wrung the vowels until they rained', indeed. this is swell.
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| Re: Insomnia by DevilTmptrss |
20-Aug-02/7:47 AM |
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like it. insomnia, a caged beast.
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| Re: Once Sought by necroscope7 |
20-Aug-02/7:44 AM |
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the ending seems a little clumsy to me, esp. 'the wrong place for each'. i get the sense that these things you sought were all about, yet you focused on where you wanted to find them, unwilling to see them beside you. yes?
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| Re: Secret, Admirer by <~> |
20-Aug-02/7:41 AM |
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this is a second draft, and i am not happy with it. suggestions, please? i seem to have lost my way with it.
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| Re: Heavenly HOst! by gay |
19-Aug-02/9:13 PM |
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nor can he walk on land. gills be damned, toss this one in the...can...
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| Re: A Tender Kiss by Jody Conn |
19-Aug-02/9:06 PM |
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it almost seems as though you are using this as a mantra to convince yourself that what you two have will finally save you...
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| Re: To You, In Warmer Climes by <~> |
19-Aug-02/7:51 PM |
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babbit--i have taken your suggestions re: the articles in the first stanza. thanks. it think it improves the poem. -z
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| Re: panic by <~> |
19-Aug-02/7:27 PM |
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yes. hind-sight is 20/20, and 2-ply. indeed it is.
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| Re: the toxic noise by fleshpedler |
19-Aug-02/7:25 PM |
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you keep trying on different personas...and there are some ideas broached here...not fully developed...but, then again, your narratives are always immediate, fleshy, salty...which is why this one confused me. whose ever it is is stabbing at metaphysics, but has not lasted their 8 seconds in the flux as yet
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| Re: Ambiguous Love Poem For A Girl I Once Knew by poetandknowit |
19-Aug-02/7:22 PM |
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h! A 10? methinks the merlot might be gracing you with winegoggles. it's good, but not quite there yet. something is missing to make it a 10. still, after a second read, it holds its head high.
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| Re: Devil, BEWARE!!! by gay |
19-Aug-02/7:18 PM |
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uh oh. looks like there's someone more l33t than D.A. in the house....
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| Re: Heavenly HOst! by gay |
19-Aug-02/7:16 PM |
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unholy desires, indeed. did blake help you with this? no, wait, it shows a sense of humor. he couldn't have had a hand in this one.
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| Re: the toxic noise by fleshpedler |
19-Aug-02/7:10 PM |
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is this another mask? you know who you are. y or n?
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| Re: Why Me? by Tarquin De La Bog |
19-Aug-02/7:08 PM |
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t de la b, you were really going for a zero here, weren't you? you're not getting one from me, D.
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