Shelter

the image is strong but the phrasing does nothing for me.

i agree.. it creates a good picture of what its about but the words just dont fit together right or something.. other than that its kewl.. oh and ( maybe u should do some research about people b4 u go chasin them around and accusing them of shiznit..)

I am sorry, I quite enjoy a little critic, but could you possibly write in fucking English. What the hell is shiznit? and kewl? B4u? Jesus, you are raping the mother tongue, you fascist. How dare you write patriot poems! I am telling your mother. And go to fucking bed!

I have the right to talk however i wanna fucking talk... no i dont go to school.. its summer dumbass.. and im no critic.. if i like something i tell the truth.. u just need to get a life... cuz u keep goin round readin what Im writing and then talkin bout how young i am? is that all u got on me? that i wrote a fuckin crappy ass wanna be patriotic poem and like im young? ok there buddy u got issues.. and my mother could give 2 shits less.. she is right fucking next to me assface.. she buys me cigs.. she gives me some a fucking joint if i clean my room or find the fuckin remote and she could care less what the fuck i do.. so u need to think of something else to "criticize" me with.. cuz i think ur well has dryed up.. all u are is a fucking cum bubble on a faggots ass... hee*hee.. have a nice nite.. byez.. and oh by the way ur real "kewl" arent u?

OH by the way.. i quite enjoy this little fighting through the comments thing.. it gives me something better to do that chat with my buds on aim.. welp.. come on throw some lame ass comment at me so i can return it with another lame ass one.. :-D

Well folks, another toilet is flushed in Ohio. Yes, there is something about the girls back there. Just ask babbit. I applaud the mothering skills and have a newfound, yes my hand is over my heart and I am going to recite the pledge right now, come on every one, let' s join hands, for my fellow Americans. I can't wait until my daughter is old enough for me to buy her cigs. Then we can share a crack pipe and do lines together. Oh I love this country.

I bet u dont even have a daughter and ive written more poems than just that gay ass fuckin patriotic one.. will u get over it? if u really wanna see what the deal is with me.. go to www.teenopendiary.com to the diary of *~*Jarah*~* and read all about it... that should tell ya all u need to know.. then u can fire some good ones at me cuz im getting sick of all the gay ass patriotic shit..

on a bender tonight, p&k? 'this little one's not worth the effort. come, let me get you something...'

I think I will pass on the teenybopper bible. I have had quite enough thank you. I am going to go sing god bless America, wake up my dear daughter and head to the hood and show her how to hold a crack pipe. So continue to write your shit and amuse us will your lovely use of the English language. You should be in school. You obviously have learned very little in you early high school years. Maybe you should leave you mom and find more suitable parenting. But on this last note, because I tire of you and need to get back to my work, enjoy a line on me and make sure to floss when you brush.

She is keeping my fingers to the keys and I need that. I have a fucking deadline to meet and I am stuck at the moment waiting for a fact checker to verify something. Journalism, you know, where did I go wrong.

Glad im helpin ya out poet.. n e wayz.. i told ya once.. if u would like click the recent button.. i submitted a couple of the poems in my diary.. i have to admit they suck ass but hey.. im a kid who gives a shit what i think.. and please stop with this preppy teenybopper shit.. im an ugly fat ass soo please dont act like im a fuckin prep.. thanks.. lookin forward to the next one.!..

this is kewl its like a frucked up chat room or something.. its keepin me awake and im just waitin for a friend to get online.. oh well.. *sighs* here we go!

Roy Romer's progress as the superintendent for the LA school district. Seen from the level of politicians, teachers, kids, janitors, you name it.

Do u like being a journalist.. or does it suck.. i mean like u musta liked it cuz u chose to persue that profession but.. actually like how is it?.. do u get paid well? lol.. j/w

no wonder you need a little help, just waiting for your fact-checkin' cuz. is there a gem in the story that you care to share? an anecdote, a phrasing that amuses?

Last Friday I was in Colorado for Romer's 50th wedding anniversary. I was there to interview family and a few supporters from his home state of CO. So I went with my friend Babbit (I'll keep the name anonymous) and we tied one on. Listening to my questions the other day, I sound like an idiot. Oh well, it is almost over. Two years worth of work on one story coming to an end. Then it is on to finish others. That is all I have. When the article comes out, I will drop a line. You can trash it!!!!

Lmao.. man poet and zzinnia.. this poem has like a lot of comments cuz like me and poet were fightin through em and u and him or her.. are like talkin through em.. oh thats gr8.. i wish i could go to sleep but i like have been like havin this insomniac thing goin on for me for like the past couple weeks.. any suggestions?

ok.. g'nite poet.. and gl with ur article.. an g'nite zzinnia.. i dont know either of u but.. im bored so i dont care.. lol.. im going to get off the computer and go lie in my bed staring at the ceiling because i cant sleep.. g'nite!

ah, the moment of clarity, arriving too late. as you said, at least it's getting wrapped up. as much as i like a nice drinkie with friends, things have been known to out themselves in the most uncomfortable of ways on those occasions. sigh. so, where're you from, originally?

i'll only trash it if it's shaped like colorado. deal?

I wish I could say somewhere other than Misery, but KC (born and raised til 17) is it. I have lived a ton of places, (Montreal being the favorite), but I am back here for the time being. At least I travel a good deal. You? Deal! Ah!! I am off to get my fax. Until tomorrow.

Oh, by the way, your poetry fucking sucks. Just thought I'd let you know. I really tried to like it, I really did...

Yes, I am the one who left that "little love ditty", but the point of it obviously went way over your head. It wasn't karma. It was me trying to show you just how stupid it was to leave a comment like the one you left me. Obviously, my means were far too complicated. Do me a favor. In fact, do yourself a favor. Don't come back and comment on my shitty, not-so-cool poetry anymore unless you have something constructive to say. This site wasn't created as a means to put other people down. Thank you, and hopefully we never have to speak to each other again.

Like I know who the fuck every shit ass poet that comes through the random file is. I am sorry I did not remember whom the fuck you were so I could understand your clever ditty. If I said your poem was not so cool or sucked, it most likely did. And what I have to say is easy compared to what you might as well get used to on this site. The first rule to improving at writing poetry in your case is to get thicker skin.

And considering I have know idea who you are you can be assured that I am not putting you down, but only your crappy poetry. I am sorry you feel that way about my poems, because actually, they are quite good and you should take after them. You might learn something.

See, that's the thing, I don't actually feel that way about your poetry. The whole comment wasn't sincere at all, that's what I was trying to say earlier. Either way, all I was trying to say was that I enjoy constructive criticism much more than something just left to put down either me or the poetry. I can take something away from the criticism, but with comments like the ones you left, no one gets anything out of it. Unless it makes you feel good, in which case, would you be so kind as to complain to yourself?

My skin blended from the hunter? this means camoflauge i'm sure, but 'from' makes it awkward. Otherwise perfect, as always.

ha! ha.ha. ha.easy there killer, lets not get too patrick swayze in red dawn okay.

To be fair I liked this, the length is just right for what you have conveyed. line 4/5 is said articulately even though its cliched, and I tip my hat to you on this one and vote you a 9.

(please carry on being a bastard I quite like it now).