| Re: Once Sought by necroscope7 |
20-Aug-02/7:44 AM |
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the ending seems a little clumsy to me, esp. 'the wrong place for each'. i get the sense that these things you sought were all about, yet you focused on where you wanted to find them, unwilling to see them beside you. yes?
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| Re: Secret, Admirer by <~> |
20-Aug-02/7:41 AM |
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this is a second draft, and i am not happy with it. suggestions, please? i seem to have lost my way with it.
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| Re: Heavenly HOst! by gay |
19-Aug-02/9:13 PM |
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nor can he walk on land. gills be damned, toss this one in the...can...
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| Re: A Tender Kiss by Jody Conn |
19-Aug-02/9:06 PM |
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it almost seems as though you are using this as a mantra to convince yourself that what you two have will finally save you...
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| Re: To You, In Warmer Climes by <~> |
19-Aug-02/7:51 PM |
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babbit--i have taken your suggestions re: the articles in the first stanza. thanks. it think it improves the poem. -z
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| Re: panic by <~> |
19-Aug-02/7:27 PM |
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yes. hind-sight is 20/20, and 2-ply. indeed it is.
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| Re: the toxic noise by fleshpedler |
19-Aug-02/7:25 PM |
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you keep trying on different personas...and there are some ideas broached here...not fully developed...but, then again, your narratives are always immediate, fleshy, salty...which is why this one confused me. whose ever it is is stabbing at metaphysics, but has not lasted their 8 seconds in the flux as yet
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| Re: Ambiguous Love Poem For A Girl I Once Knew by poetandknowit |
19-Aug-02/7:22 PM |
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h! A 10? methinks the merlot might be gracing you with winegoggles. it's good, but not quite there yet. something is missing to make it a 10. still, after a second read, it holds its head high.
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| Re: Devil, BEWARE!!! by gay |
19-Aug-02/7:18 PM |
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uh oh. looks like there's someone more l33t than D.A. in the house....
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| Re: Heavenly HOst! by gay |
19-Aug-02/7:16 PM |
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unholy desires, indeed. did blake help you with this? no, wait, it shows a sense of humor. he couldn't have had a hand in this one.
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| Re: the toxic noise by fleshpedler |
19-Aug-02/7:10 PM |
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is this another mask? you know who you are. y or n?
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| Re: Why Me? by Tarquin De La Bog |
19-Aug-02/7:08 PM |
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t de la b, you were really going for a zero here, weren't you? you're not getting one from me, D.
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| Re: Ambiguous Love Poem For A Girl I Once Knew by poetandknowit |
19-Aug-02/7:06 PM |
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p&k--who were you referring to? i most certainly did not give you a 0.
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| Re: Ambiguous Love Poem For A Girl I Once Knew by poetandknowit |
19-Aug-02/6:55 PM |
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why, p&k! you surprise me! i will read this one again. i liked it very much after a first glance. nice job. your other stuff seems shallow, paired with this pithy (and maybe a little self-pitying, which is understandable) piece.
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| Re: Posing A 'mission (A Haiku Triad) by gay |
19-Aug-02/6:51 PM |
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ha ha! the blade turns to me! parry away, sir. you have met your match! (well done)
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| Re: purple by youngweirdo |
19-Aug-02/6:46 PM |
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this poem damages my thaughts.
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| Re: Grace by Win |
19-Aug-02/6:45 PM |
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this is tender, and sweet. lucky you.
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| Re: The Ultimate~Creep goes to Mecca! by Bachus |
19-Aug-02/6:34 PM |
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yes. it definitely would sound better over a pint ot two. so long as we're talking on the telling of it, the bit about your dog disjoints, but not in an effective way. some sort of transition is needed to work it in literarily... like, another glass of ste. emillion, perhaps... miss me today? i sure as hell did. i like being outside, though, and i worked my ass off today.
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| Re: The Ultimate~Creep goes to Mecca! by Bachus |
19-Aug-02/6:12 PM |
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that's quite a confession, h.
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| Re: fear by pitchblackdisaster |
19-Aug-02/6:56 AM |
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