| Re: a comment on where is thy sting? by <~> |
11-Feb-03/12:08 PM |
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manic depression, babycakes. bipolar. woo-hoo.
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| Re: a comment on nightly by <~> |
10-Feb-03/3:26 PM |
oh. ha. ha.
(i see my sense of humor's gone missing again. woe is me!)
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| Re: a comment on nightly by <~> |
10-Feb-03/1:59 PM |
come on now. MY smart mouth? you have that over and above me ten fold. surely you see that? give a little quarter. don't begrudge me a corner of your demense.
the web page was set up as an online portfolio for people who want to pay me insane amounts of money to paint their walls. it has not been updated in a while, and probably won't be, since i have too much work as it stands already. so, as for it being poorly designed...? the painting you and -=Dark_Angel=- had fun with is from a children's book i'm shopping around right now. the bee is the main character.
as for being a better poet, i thank you for the compliment. you're not so shabby yourself, but it seems you lack discernment. i am usually amenable to helping somebody who feels like they have something , but can't get over the wall. so, if you're serious about poetry, and want honest criticism, i'll give it. i won't be nice; i won't be smart--but i will be very technical with you.
my mouth is only smart with those i know can volley. so, please take it as a compliment and not as a slap that you have been so abused. i shall be gentler in the future.
p.s.--i'm usually a smart ass when i come home tuned up after a fine night of drinking.
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| Re: a comment on where is thy sting? by <~> |
10-Feb-03/1:51 PM |
insomnia will do this to you.
this is a first draft. it'll probably end up reduced by half when it's done.
i'd like to hear suggestions for cutting it back.
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| Re: a comment on nightly by <~> |
10-Feb-03/1:41 PM |
you gonna plague me with more than ideas?
or am i too fat, ugly, and sucky a web page designer?
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| Re: a comment on The Tuesday Dogs by Caducus |
9-Feb-03/4:01 PM |
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end it with the previous line. "eve of doom' tells us nothing new; you have already said 'execurioner' so we know what's coming...
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| Re: The Tuesday Dogs by Caducus |
9-Feb-03/11:24 AM |
lose this line:
"On the eve of doom."
fix the ???.
this hits hard.
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| Re: a comment on Raw boy chiva by horus8 |
7-Feb-03/9:20 PM |
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| Re: a comment on Past by Dostoyevsky |
7-Feb-03/2:19 PM |
well, you end it with a comma. and what happens to you when you cower from the hidden truth? and why is it hidden? and who is the peasant? and who is the dreamer? and where does the cup with no bottom lead to? and why has it no bottom? is it always full? no. it is always empty. does her soul suck away at you?
these are some of the questions you leave unanswered. while it is fine to leave things unanswered, you need to give me one solid thing i can hold onto. and you just don't. your thought are scattered here. collect and organize them. and then re-write it.
and check your punctuatuion! the flow could be very effective with the right markings in place.
does that help at all?
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| Re: downtown bus by Bill Z Bub |
6-Feb-03/8:41 PM |
nicely done. i might change to this:
cellphones cradled,
cry like infants.
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| Re: Past by Dostoyevsky |
6-Feb-03/7:31 PM |
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| Re: Morning Rainbows by Spindle |
6-Feb-03/7:29 PM |
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cynical. as it should be.
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| Re: a comment on While flipping over stones by <{Baba^Yaga}> |
6-Feb-03/7:27 PM |
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take out 'all' in the last line. it's one beat too many.
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| Re: Rumble In The Jungle by scitz |
6-Feb-03/7:26 PM |
why the 6 degrees of separation? that's kevin bacon's gig.
nice action here. spell check it though!
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| Re: breathe on me? by emilyowey |
6-Feb-03/6:40 PM |
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i'm sorry, but this makes you look pathetic. have some self-respect, child!
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| Re: a comment on throw-away by mindsigns |
6-Feb-03/10:04 AM |
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Goode Sir! Please do not make poemranker your tawdry confessional! I bid you Goode Day!
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| Re: While flipping over stones by <{Baba^Yaga}> |
6-Feb-03/9:22 AM |
2 things:
"With bare feet, and never a sock"
redundant. feels like you were trying too hard.
ending couplet suggestion:
my head swung low, as retreated, the sun
two holes now bled slow: so ended my fun.
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| Re: The cross roads by Jeremi B. Handrinos |
6-Feb-03/9:14 AM |
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did you at least pick up that snake oil i asked you to bring home? why, what was he asking for it?
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| Re: **The Therapist** by scitz |
6-Feb-03/9:10 AM |
the rhythm in this faulers, scitz. also, drop the last line.
also also--you cannot keep your feelings secret; they will out. you just went to the wrong one, is all. too bad there's no way beforehand to find a match.
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| Re: a comment on throw-away by mindsigns |
6-Feb-03/9:01 AM |
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my goodness. there is some straight-forward moral outrage in that husk after all. glad to see it. honestly, i never thought you would treat any vile subject in a less-than-flippant way.
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