poemranker ::downtown bus by Bill Z Bub

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Free verse № 31278

downtown bus

by Bill Z Bub

Member since 2002 · Posted 20 Dec 2002 · Edited 10 Apr 2003 · 21 comments

snow unfolding in ashen window's reversal, the scourges of campus conspiring, with lurid smiles. cellphones cry like infants, cradled. single thin tones abandoned in the snow, and the U-girls get off at some club, tight glitterbright shirts over shoulders, healthy eeks of recognition and my scarf hides parched lips. now all I see is the relief map on the back of an old man's neck.

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mean 5.25 weighted 5.03 rank 7242 views 320 View voting details →

4 votes so far. Yours would make 5.4 votes so far

21 comments

[10] INTRANSIT 20-Dec-02/5:17 PM Reply
Hey! Down in front! damn people.
[n/a] Bachus 20-Dec-02/5:34 PM Reply
when the infant is cradled it stops it's baby wailing perhaphs un-rocked? last stanza's gold.
[n/a] Bill Z Bub › Bachus 10-Apr-03/8:04 AM Reply
You don't have any kids, do you? :^)
[8] wOrnella Mutiw 21-Dec-02/1:30 AM Reply
Good use of imagery. I liked it....8
[9] Plasticgirlwithgun 21-Dec-02/2:36 AM Reply
Cellphones are lame.Your poem is rather good though.
[n/a] New Life Drug 21-Dec-02/4:42 PM Reply
I love downtown buses hehe. I just don't like it when the driver tells you too put your feet down off of the seat or gives you a hard time.. or mentally ill riders. The club part is a good drop-off too. Nice...and the last stanza is a great ending. 9
[9] aliena 22-Dec-02/8:59 AM Reply
Interesting. I liked the bit about the cell phone.
[8] blkarakagain 22-Dec-02/11:10 AM Reply
Nice.
[9] razorgrin 23-Dec-02/9:18 AM Reply
that's the best cell-phone comment i've ever heard. the rest is wondrous too.
[8] <~> 6-Feb-03/8:41 PM Reply
nicely done. i might change to this:

cellphones cradled,
cry like infants.
[n/a] god'swife 7-Feb-03/2:14 AM Reply
Get rid of 'on a'
Oh fuck... here go's

Dowtown bus
Snow unfolding into forever
and I try heading home.

I watch the crazyfresh
Scrooges of campus
Conspire.
lurid smiles. dim city light.
they dandle cellphones
like unwanted infants crying hard
abandoned in the clean falling of snow.

U-girls
Are like angels getting off

Tight
Glitter-bright shirt
Laid over heathly shoulders.
My involuntary eek of recognition.

My scarf hides
parched and wanting lips.

Now
all I will allow myself to see
is a relief map
on the back
of an old man's neck.

Hey,
Whatever it takes to survive.
[6] TanHand 7-Feb-03/12:50 PM Reply
I liked you better as a cheap Settle knockoff.
[n/a] Bill Z Bub › TanHand 7-Feb-03/1:23 PM Reply
If ever there was a time to say "fuck you"...
[6] TanHand › Bill Z Bub 7-Feb-03/1:32 PM Reply
The reason I call you a knockoff is because you're full of fire and passion and such. They day you laugh at yourself harder than anyone else can is the day I stop goading you.
[n/a] Bill Z Bub › TanHand 7-Feb-03/2:45 PM Reply
Ah, I see. "cheap knockoff" is a complement! Of course! The day you stop laughing at others long enough to see you're standing in manure is the day you stop getting pissed on by goats.
[n/a] Blindproject217 › Bill Z Bub 9-Apr-03/9:49 PM Reply
Bill, I dont know why you let him get to you, He's an idiot.
[n/a] Bill Z Bub › Blindproject217 10-Apr-03/8:07 AM Reply
From now on, I'm just going to delete all trollings. BOYCOTT SETTLE AND HIS ILK.
[n/a] Another Bobjim?!?! › Bill Z Bub 10-Apr-03/9:29 AM Reply
I can live with settle, but the un-origional trolls who follow him around to try to get some sort of a sad life are too much.

Nice poem Bill, but didn't really connect with me, so I won't vote on it. Listen to the suggestions and re-post it later.
[6] TanHand 7-Feb-03/5:37 PM Reply
Maybe if you were talented you wouldn't be riding the bus. Or are you a millionaire who likes to stay in touch with the people. Of Ontario.
[10] INTRANSIT 10-Apr-03/7:44 PM Reply
I like this sleeker version very much. If you're thinking of paring it more, I wouldn't.
[n/a] Bill Z Bub › INTRANSIT 11-Apr-03/6:44 PM Reply
Thanks. This is as minimal as it's gonna get. I'm fairly happy with this revision.