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downtown bus (Free verse) by Bill Z Bub
snow unfolding in ashen window's reversal, the scourges of campus conspiring, with lurid smiles. cellphones cry like infants, cradled. single thin tones abandoned in the snow, and the U-girls get off at some club, tight glitterbright shirts over shoulders, healthy eeks of recognition and my scarf hides parched lips. now all I see is the relief map on the back of an old man's neck.

Up the ladder: A hard life
Down the ladder: Happiness

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Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
 GraphVotes
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Arithmetic Mean: 5.25
Weighted score: 5.029801
Overall Rank: 7205
Posted: December 20, 2002 4:29 PM PST; Last modified: April 10, 2003 8:06 AM PDT
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Comments:
[10] INTRANSIT @ 204.110.225.254 | 20-Dec-02/5:17 PM | Reply
Hey! Down in front! damn people.
[n/a] Bachus @ 24.126.113.154 | 20-Dec-02/5:34 PM | Reply
when the infant is cradled it stops it's baby wailing perhaphs un-rocked? last stanza's gold.
[n/a] Bill Z Bub @ 24.112.224.232 > Bachus | 10-Apr-03/8:04 AM | Reply
You don't have any kids, do you? :^)
[8] wOrnella Mutiw @ 198.81.26.167 | 21-Dec-02/1:30 AM | Reply
Good use of imagery. I liked it....8
[9] Plasticgirlwithgun @ 152.163.188.228 | 21-Dec-02/2:36 AM | Reply
Cellphones are lame.Your poem is rather good though.
[n/a] New Life Drug @ 64.175.38.129 | 21-Dec-02/4:42 PM | Reply
I love downtown buses hehe. I just don't like it when the driver tells you too put your feet down off of the seat or gives you a hard time.. or mentally ill riders. The club part is a good drop-off too. Nice...and the last stanza is a great ending. 9
[9] aliena @ 203.90.86.11 | 22-Dec-02/8:59 AM | Reply
Interesting. I liked the bit about the cell phone.
[8] blkarakagain @ 198.85.27.95 | 22-Dec-02/11:10 AM | Reply
Nice.
[9] razorgrin @ 192.197.142.146 | 23-Dec-02/9:18 AM | Reply
that's the best cell-phone comment i've ever heard. the rest is wondrous too.
[8] <~> @ 67.84.171.238 | 6-Feb-03/8:41 PM | Reply
nicely done. i might change to this:

cellphones cradled,
cry like infants.
[n/a] god'swife @ 209.178.176.114 | 7-Feb-03/2:14 AM | Reply
Get rid of 'on a'
Oh fuck... here go's

Dowtown bus
Snow unfolding into forever
and I try heading home.

I watch the crazyfresh
Scrooges of campus
Conspire.
lurid smiles. dim city light.
they dandle cellphones
like unwanted infants crying hard
abandoned in the clean falling of snow.

U-girls
Are like angels getting off

Tight
Glitter-bright shirt
Laid over heathly shoulders.
My involuntary eek of recognition.

My scarf hides
parched and wanting lips.

Now
all I will allow myself to see
is a relief map
on the back
of an old man's neck.

Hey,
Whatever it takes to survive.
[6] TanHand @ 68.14.26.239 | 7-Feb-03/12:50 PM | Reply
I liked you better as a cheap Settle knockoff.
[n/a] Bill Z Bub @ 24.112.224.232 > TanHand | 7-Feb-03/1:23 PM | Reply
If ever there was a time to say "fuck you"...
[6] TanHand @ 68.14.26.239 > Bill Z Bub | 7-Feb-03/1:32 PM | Reply
The reason I call you a knockoff is because you're full of fire and passion and such. They day you laugh at yourself harder than anyone else can is the day I stop goading you.
[n/a] Bill Z Bub @ 24.112.224.232 > TanHand | 7-Feb-03/2:45 PM | Reply
Ah, I see. "cheap knockoff" is a complement! Of course! The day you stop laughing at others long enough to see you're standing in manure is the day you stop getting pissed on by goats.
[n/a] Blindproject217 @ 68.38.194.4 > Bill Z Bub | 9-Apr-03/9:49 PM | Reply
Bill, I dont know why you let him get to you, He's an idiot.
[n/a] Bill Z Bub @ 24.112.224.232 > Blindproject217 | 10-Apr-03/8:07 AM | Reply
From now on, I'm just going to delete all trollings. BOYCOTT SETTLE AND HIS ILK.
[n/a] Another Bobjim?!?! @ 217.40.231.55 > Bill Z Bub | 10-Apr-03/9:29 AM | Reply
I can live with settle, but the un-origional trolls who follow him around to try to get some sort of a sad life are too much.

Nice poem Bill, but didn't really connect with me, so I won't vote on it. Listen to the suggestions and re-post it later.
[6] TanHand @ 68.14.26.239 | 7-Feb-03/5:37 PM | Reply
Maybe if you were talented you wouldn't be riding the bus. Or are you a millionaire who likes to stay in touch with the people. Of Ontario.
[10] INTRANSIT @ 205.188.208.106 | 10-Apr-03/7:44 PM | Reply
I like this sleeker version very much. If you're thinking of paring it more, I wouldn't.
[n/a] Bill Z Bub @ 24.112.224.232 > INTRANSIT | 11-Apr-03/6:44 PM | Reply
Thanks. This is as minimal as it's gonna get. I'm fairly happy with this revision.
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