| regarding some deleted poem... |
2-Feb-03/10:28 PM |
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great until you got all preachy at the end.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
3-Feb-03/3:51 PM |
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love does not cause despair. mind causes despair. love is everything, dude.
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| Re: Untitled by LucidRevelation |
3-Feb-03/3:52 PM |
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yep. mind is the culprit again.
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| Re: Love Under Will by Tyriana |
5-Feb-03/1:48 PM |
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but still feels incomplete. what is your bond? (i mean, i know it's love, but i want more from this.)
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| Re: **The Therapist** by scitz |
6-Feb-03/9:10 AM |
the rhythm in this faulers, scitz. also, drop the last line.
also also--you cannot keep your feelings secret; they will out. you just went to the wrong one, is all. too bad there's no way beforehand to find a match.
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| Re: The cross roads by Jeremi B. Handrinos |
6-Feb-03/9:14 AM |
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did you at least pick up that snake oil i asked you to bring home? why, what was he asking for it?
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| Re: While flipping over stones by <{Baba^Yaga}> |
6-Feb-03/9:22 AM |
2 things:
"With bare feet, and never a sock"
redundant. feels like you were trying too hard.
ending couplet suggestion:
my head swung low, as retreated, the sun
two holes now bled slow: so ended my fun.
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| Re: breathe on me? by emilyowey |
6-Feb-03/6:40 PM |
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i'm sorry, but this makes you look pathetic. have some self-respect, child!
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| Re: Rumble In The Jungle by scitz |
6-Feb-03/7:26 PM |
why the 6 degrees of separation? that's kevin bacon's gig.
nice action here. spell check it though!
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| Re: Morning Rainbows by Spindle |
6-Feb-03/7:29 PM |
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cynical. as it should be.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
6-Feb-03/7:30 PM |
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she'll jump at the chance when she hears you call her 'stupid whore'. oh, how she must have missed that!
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| Re: Past by Dostoyevsky |
6-Feb-03/7:31 PM |
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| Re: downtown bus by Bill Z Bub |
6-Feb-03/8:41 PM |
nicely done. i might change to this:
cellphones cradled,
cry like infants.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
7-Feb-03/9:28 PM |
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swank, cad. the best thing you have written. nice job.
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| Re: The Tuesday Dogs by Caducus |
9-Feb-03/11:24 AM |
lose this line:
"On the eve of doom."
fix the ???.
this hits hard.
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| Re: The Cheetah (dedicated to zzinnia) by Mr Pig |
13-Feb-03/7:57 AM |
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| Re: Languageing by ==Doylum |
13-Feb-03/8:07 AM |
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how can ilisten when i am so caught up in looking at his face? he moves it.
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| Re: Just Your Average 'Death' Poem by Owner of the Sky |
13-Feb-03/8:10 AM |
you taught me a new word. and i like how you used it: anamnesis.
also, "Without so much as a by your leave" is strikingly protective and tender, used here. niely done.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
13-Feb-03/8:21 AM |
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better than a booming crappie ass. of course, you could always use dynamite. my friend joe can get you some.
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| Re: acid flashback by brazen |
13-Feb-03/8:39 AM |
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