Re: Thoughts in a cloud above the Catskills by Enkidu	24-Feb-04/8:45 AM
OK I quite like triple rhyme, just a few things dont track. You are crying... why do you jest. Blackened ivory -- ivory is a cream colour, why would you blacken it, especially for use as braille. The final verse.
Re: Jonquils, daffydils by fevriere	24-Feb-04/8:28 AM
What white temple, if you are to use paris, I would suggest make some reference other than it is paris. Other than that cute, like knocking themselves dizzy
Re: The Niche by Fear of Garbage	23-Feb-04/1:23 PM
I think the comparison between woodwork and nightmare needs to be more elaborate. If it works it would be ace, but at the moment I am not getting it.
Re: a comment on A Dream by DarkThirteens	22-Feb-04/11:32 AM
The comment was in response to a mispelled comment by devina. I can't see any obvious mispelling in your piece. Gone -- why is it capitalised.
Re: Troubled Mind by DarkThirteens	22-Feb-04/5:18 AM
This is perfectly alright.
Re: The Commanding Disobedince of Words by daggatolar	22-Feb-04/5:10 AM
instrument of sin? coyly CLS
Re: The Sipping of the Light by DeadtotheWorld	22-Feb-04/4:59 AM
What do the dreadful curtains symbolise, and are they dreadful because the match the sofa?
Re: Peeping Sun by dreamsdiefirst	22-Feb-04/4:34 AM
silk purse corset hints of my covered self's inner nudity
Re: a comment on Poe ét tri by Blue Magpie	19-Feb-04/7:14 AM
No inher forest sounds too naff.
Re: The Angry Bush by wilco	19-Feb-04/7:12 AM
Quite cute. The last verse goes backwards though. I thought trouble was brewing. Then you tell us you are going to cut off ties - doesn't really follow.
Re: My heart had a war...no body won by sonawrote	17-Feb-04/1:52 PM
Should be reclassified a pimple for the line 'couldn't get your naked bod/ out of my mind' Had me rolling around.
Re: The daisy-chain girl by richa	17-Feb-04/1:41 PM
Put an extra verse as the poem did not state the girl was making daisy chains on the grass, still. 'we are not in ancient rome' 'with chains and feet'? (two roman measures).
Re: a comment on The daisy-chain girl by richa	17-Feb-04/9:37 AM
Yes, the ancient rome bit was in reference to the resourcefulness of their measurement system. A metaphor for how everything has a value (spriritual vs mathematic) in itself as knowledge.
Re: a comment on The daisy-chain girl by richa	17-Feb-04/8:59 AM
What I was trying for with 'we are not in ancient rome' was the ingenuity of their measurement system. The mile being a thousand paces, using wheel revolutions to measure length etc. Measure being a play on measure of someones worth
Re: Freud suggested that I commit murder. by DreamerSupreme	17-Feb-04/7:19 AM
Good, There is a tendency to be a bit self-absorbed in some of your poems but this one steers well clear and is the better for it. 'this crazy brain of mine' is a bit look at me I'm crazy though. And jung? I wasn't aware he was obsessed with sex in the same way freud was.
Re: you're so romantic by plinkyponk	13-Feb-04/9:24 AM
And this is why there is no respected anthology for schizophrenic poetry. The free association.
Re: Nowhere but now by phbiscuit	12-Feb-04/11:37 AM
Good, short lines are always difficult as the break should serve a purpose.
Re: Sweet Goodbye by ashley	12-Feb-04/8:24 AM
Too many pop cliches - to you... you do - crazy in love - - love is real - - laidback style - so naff it would appear in a blue song.
Re: i need a title by That One	12-Feb-04/8:18 AM
Third line get rid of just Spell realitye correctly And try and make the final four lines make sense. In terms of a title - find a theme in the poem, or write a startling image. That could be used as the title.
Re: Lisa's Song by horus8	12-Feb-04/7:57 AM
Apart from verses 4 and 6 which are a little lighweight, this really packs a lot of stuff into its lines.