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My heart had a war...no body won (Free verse) by sonawrote
When I went against the grain for a thrill and started this mess When I knew I had feelings, the 3rd time I undressed when I realized you were all I desired all the time When I couldn’t get your naked bod out of my mind When I needed you like drugs I fiend for your skin The way you choked me & seduced me and relished in our sin the way I gave you more and wanted more in return the way I knew eventually the fire would burn and burn it did spectacular but not without a fee and the ones who paid the price the hearts from you & me and time went on and family a husband and a child a thought from time to time of when I let myself be wild and though I walked away I loved you no less but I knew you deserved to get out of this mess so I freed you,& as for me, the story didn’t end I jumped a cliff,blindfolded and married my boyfriend You never saw it coming it took you by surprise I’m sorry if it hurt you, I was drowning in the lies but years have passed again and before you I came woke you up this morning to test the old flame came with all intentions to totally give in and you made it so easy to want to begin you wrapped up with me, all clad upon the floor I probably have never, wanted you more My heart is racing out of control cause I know you’re about to touch my soul I shiver in fear I want to give in tears stream my face, I can’t even grin I can’t do this, I’m sorry, Have I lost my mind? My heart is not paper, so neatly lined And after it all, you surprise me once again you say it’s ok., and you’ll still be my friend I’ll never forget your touch or how amazing you are as I drive back home in my little red car I’ll always cherish our time my special friend And I’ll probably always wish that it didn’t end

Up the ladder: Oh Merry Fay (part 1)
Down the ladder: TRUTH

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Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
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Arithmetic Mean: 7.125
Weighted score: 5.5715003
Overall Rank: 2423
Posted: February 7, 2004 9:59 PM PST; Last modified: February 8, 2004 6:56 PM PST
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Comments:
[n/a] sonawrote @ 152.163.252.72 | 7-Feb-04/10:06 PM | Reply
don't care if no one likes this....just had to get this day off my chest....
[n/a] zodiac @ 67.240.192.200 > sonawrote | 8-Feb-04/6:39 AM | Reply
Ok. Break each of these lines in half, break every four lines into stanzas, and punctuate, and it'll be something like a poem. Better than some of your other ones.
[n/a] sonawrote @ 152.163.252.198 > zodiac | 8-Feb-04/6:58 PM | Reply
thanks, don't know much about structured writing I just write what I feel,but I did what u said, best I could....better?
[n/a] zodiac @ 67.240.192.25 > sonawrote | 8-Feb-04/7:12 PM | Reply
Structurally, yes.
[10] wFraser Allonby Q.C.w @ 195.157.153.253 | 9-Feb-04/6:31 AM | Reply
This is almost as good as the poetry of Crystal Lane Shit!!!!111

-10-
[7] richa @ 81.178.235.62 | 17-Feb-04/1:52 PM | Reply
Should be reclassified a pimple for the line 'couldn't get your naked bod/ out of my mind'

Had me rolling around.
[10] thepinkbunnyofdoom @ 66.213.67.10 | 7-Apr-04/11:55 AM | Reply
Childish Longing, followed by Adult Realization. The first few stanza's(Thanks Zodiac for making that happen) Seemed a tad pouty and rather brat like, but the last few show true wisdom. -10-
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