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A Dream (Free verse) by DarkThirteens Now it is night.
I can see the stars.
The moon shines down on my face.
I'm now illuminated, pale enough to be a spirit.
My black hair adds to the white.
I must be the forest spirit I always dream of.
The green splash in my eyes indicates foliage.
Hollow but full.
Sleep till morning.
Drifting then Gone.
Up the ladder:
Birthday of a dead guy
Down the ladder:
Honesty
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 4.75
Posted: February 20, 2004 10:04 PM PST; Last modified: February 20, 2004 10:04 PM PSTWeighted score: 4.970199 Overall Rank: 8470 Comments:
[4]
devina @ 195.5.74.5
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21-Feb-04/3:59 AM
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Reply
It´s okey, but....
If you could point out spelilng errors that would help. Thanks.
The comment was in response to a mispelled comment by devina. I can't see any obvious mispelling in your piece.
Gone -- why is it capitalised.
You spelled 'Cream' "Dream" for one.
And 'Monkey Fluff', "foilage", but I thought that was brilliant.
Thanks Horus! lol
I capitalized Gone because I thought it would put more of a punch on the ending? I'm just beginning and trying new things. I'm open to ideas. 165 view(s)
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