Re: a comment on Recycled Stardust by Quarton	8-Jul-04/4:11 AM
'P.S I said the world behaved in a "quantum-LIKE" manner' Is no get out because you claim that the world did not work in a newton-model-like way when scientists believed in newtons model. By throwing out the newton model you are using very strict standards of usefulness which you must apply to the Quantum model. Also I have consistently said what you have said in your final sentences. I would go as far as to say any description that does not regard light (and we are not encompassing the physical properties of light) as purely light is making a jump accross modes that could be regarded as metaphysical. I've changed my mind about Quartons poem, as far as I am concerned he can write it about Newtonian mechanics if he wants. If he maintains internal consistency the poem does not fail. 'Call the roller of big cigars' I say to him.
Re: a comment on Recycled Stardust by Quarton	7-Jul-04/11:10 AM
To say the world behaved in a quantum-like manner when scientists believed in the newton model is to say given the presence of only the newton model, that the world worked according to the newton model when scientists believed in the previous model. i.e. you can only make such an assertion knowing all future models, which you can not and which is probably logically impossible. N.B. love the way you addressed the difficulties of the whole reality concept thingy by putting the word in quotation marks.
Re: a comment on Forbidden by Chasz Misleading	6-Jul-04/11:06 AM
with you on the second verse.
Re: Whore by gavinduff	6-Jul-04/11:04 AM
A little confused, perhaps because you change from relating a story of a friend almost to first person shouting at the whore. The abstemiousness bragged its supremacy is intriguing, but again the justification seems bogged down in badly managed sentence structure.
Re: Urbane Jane by MacFrantic	6-Jul-04/10:55 AM
Perhaps needs to be a bit punchier. Like 'steal glances at unbecoming' and the final couplet.
Re: Your sad goodbye by sanity	4-Jul-04/5:37 AM
Cute enough nice sounds, the last two lines of each verse are a nice innovation.
Re: War of kites and fireflies by fevriere	4-Jul-04/5:34 AM
Like this too, the incense bit was confusing yes. And 'The almost-steel night thieves gold.' I can see where you are going but as a single sentence is difficult to grasp. But yes did I say I like it.
Re: a comment on Recycled Stardust by Quarton	3-Jul-04/12:42 AM
I am sure your poems mean wonderful things to you, and this is not meant as a criticism of you, but read godswife, zzinnia, poetandknowit, christof and you will find great attention to engage the reader, to not make sweeping statements but to make subtle insights.
Re: afraid by hbhpoems	30-Jun-04/12:14 PM
Afraid is a very weak impact word. You should try to avoid labelling emotions, use image to portray. Also this could do with cutting down, make the reader think over the words rather than read through to get to the punch. Spellcheck would not go amiss.
Re: Niggers Don't Write Poetry by pain killer	28-Jun-04/2:50 PM
If you wrote this in negrese it would better convey that this poeme is about some negro (you) slagging of 'honkies' for misappropriating his 'culture'. Which would be incredibly deep. Also it is axl rose. There is an easy anagram to help you remember for goodness sake.
Re: Origins by Doug	27-Jun-04/1:54 PM
First verse does not make a whole lot of sense. 1) Who is this new squaw the past has forgotten, how does past have a wife. 2) To consumate their raven joining-- 'their' can only refer to the squaw and the past. So how come they are being joined when his new squaw has been forgotten. 3) How can was ever be new, it is the past. Verse 2, talking about christ as an abstraction invented by people to fulfill a need is just trite. It has been said a million times before, and offers a side of the argument but no insight.
Re: Tough by Dovina	27-Jun-04/1:39 PM
Not sure the leap from subservient to motherly is a logical one. Don't like alpha-male it is inelegant. The time in this is confusing. You talk of how you knew him in high school then claim many years on he is still not shaving.
Re: a comment on Quiet, Kind Hills by Dovina	22-Jun-04/12:33 PM
'"Helpful" is anything above 0'. Boll'cks.
Re: a comment on I must be out of my mind by thepinkbunnyofdoom	22-Jun-04/11:34 AM
ace, you have had over a year to think up that reply. -m10m-
Re: a comment on Phoebus by SupremeDreamer	20-Jun-04/12:46 PM
No serious, there seems to be so many fragments that seem to be unnanounced: Methylated vapours, fresh-spilt blood, freaky brainspace. Just seems out of kilter.
Re: Phoebus by SupremeDreamer	19-Jun-04/12:04 PM
Like the first two verses in terms of their lyricism. And most of the rest of it, its just the parts of the poem 'revealing yourself' seems a bit removed. Especially verse three.
Re: Phoebus by SupremeDreamer	19-Jun-04/11:57 AM
Sliver: 19jun04--9:10am 'no matter how hard we try, I'm a mutton shunter we will always reveal at least a part of who we are in whatever we write'
Re: a comment on Randomness by QuirkyWonder	17-Jun-04/5:36 AM
Only if as your premise you accept that opinions can be right or wrong.
Re: Lost by arduinn	12-Jun-04/3:12 PM
Reads quite nicely. The conflict at the end is far too cliched though, needs some kind of insight or... something.
Re: The Ocean Prefers A Sunset by wilco	12-Jun-04/3:03 PM
Would echo than dancing is redundant (getting rid of it brings out the alliteration of 'waltzes with' better too). Listless sand - nope, you need to show what the sand is doing to make you think it is listless. Last verse; death, birth, yearn, beautiful, smile are a touch unimaginative. Good though, well written.