Re: a comment on Solid Understanding by Dovina	12-Aug-04/5:52 AM
I am not particularly well versed in verse. My advice should always be superceded by someone who has studied poetry in some form or another. I get my knowledge from the prefaces of poetry books/ hatrack/ the odd philosophy module at uni/ reading criticism on here and eratosphere etc.
Re: farmer's market by fair12	12-Aug-04/5:41 AM
Well written, loses it a bit at the end 'souls' and 'markers' seems a touch vague.
Re: Solid Understanding by Dovina	6-Aug-04/6:34 AM
1) 'simplest' 2) mimic and parrot mean the same thing 3) Not sure the second verse follows on so well from 'non of it true' 4) If someone changes expression it is immediately lost, that is a truism not a fear.
Re: Mike Pike!! by DR Limerick	6-Aug-04/6:27 AM
'not wanting to linger/he stuck in his finger' sounds better.
Re: Wednesday's Breaking by poetandknowit	20-Jul-04/4:31 AM
This poem would be ten times better if something more imaginitive had happened causing you to be in her arms.
Re: a comment on The Two Temperaments of Man by dougsoderstrom	19-Jul-04/2:29 PM
I was thinking of crediting doug with such myself. But on balance I think it is just the vagueness of his language.
Re: Poor Unwritten Rabbit by Dovina	19-Jul-04/2:25 PM
Use prepositions or punctuation in the first verse, or this:- 'ee Bombling breet par facien eeepeee' becomes this:- 'brazque gumprij ist wozzeling kumwa raosicon nebluspi mit cucheen ij bloot.'
Re: a comment on The Two Temperaments of Man by dougsoderstrom	19-Jul-04/2:07 PM
'The pig and the porcupine I sat on it it made a noise.' Is this intriguing because you are unable to ascertain what I sat upon?
Re: Southern Mississippii Standstill by wilco	16-Jul-04/1:32 PM
Very pretty, like the feign of line two to three on the first verse. No need for full stops after each verse.
Re: Ode to the Bun by JaneDC	14-Jul-04/1:32 PM
Pleasant enough sounds.
Re: MR Blobby V bill and ben by MR Blobby	14-Jul-04/12:53 PM
yes, 'flob alob flob weeeed' is my favourite bit of bill and ben gibberish too.
Re: Tweenager, they're called now. by fevriere	10-Jul-04/2:24 PM
"Thus is more than you can aim unto," Is a strange thing to say for a tweenager. Must have been watching Dawson's creek I guess. I get the feeling of someone moving into young adulthood. There is apprehension in 'make a wanton of me' (I am guessing you use wanton in its precise sense of unchaste). The relationship between the tweenager and the narrator is unclear. The same person, a younger sister maybe. There is an elegance in the poem, a clear progression and a certain feeling of reflection. Very good.
Re: Innocence Having Been Lost by dougsoderstrom	10-Jul-04/2:08 PM
So you have a problem with islamic terrorists and christians dropping cluster bombs and people dying and that members of the army do what they are told. Big whoop.
Re: a comment on Distance by wilco	8-Jul-04/2:47 PM
Nope, a lecturer once told me everyone utters half a dozen sentences that have never been said before every day. The ideas may not be new but there are certainly different ways of saying things.
Re: a comment on Distance by wilco	8-Jul-04/12:24 PM
probably not, is wilco a special case?
Re: Distance by wilco	8-Jul-04/12:01 PM
If you get really good people will slag this type of thing off as trite. Ignoring that criticism, I like the sounds. Especially picture and measure.
Re: a comment on Recycled Stardust by Quarton	8-Jul-04/10:49 AM
I criticised writing poems about science, poems are about image and surface, not about models.
Re: a comment on Recycled Stardust by Quarton	8-Jul-04/6:39 AM
I have always said there is no such thing as absolute truth. There is no contradiction between that and saying usefullness is a matter for pragmatics. A model is a model not because it is useful, something is useful because it is useful.
Re: a comment on Recycled Stardust by Quarton	8-Jul-04/5:37 AM
'When scientists believed in Newtonian physics, it was still the case that 'reality' behaved in a Quantum-like manner.' is probably not the best way to say: 'The point I was trying to make was that reality (as any sane person understands its definition) hasn't changed; only our means of modelling it have.' As a member of a poetry site one would think you would work harder on your articulation.
Re: Mm, Shoes... ? by fevriere	8-Jul-04/4:41 AM
A bit heavy in adjectives especially the opening line. Could do with a bit more happening with them e.g my pidgeon toes creep..., my bird-narrow eyes watch... etc. From line four onwards this is pretty good.