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Poor Unwritten Rabbit (Free verse) by Dovina
Driving home with faint hope searching headlights will catch a bat or cloud of insects whose unwritten lives may illumine mine. Beside the road a naïve rabbit perfectly still believes he’s invisible

Up the ladder: Wind
Down the ladder: Your True War Story

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Arithmetic Mean: 7.5454545
Weighted score: 6.2727275
Overall Rank: 913
Posted: July 19, 2004 11:57 AM PDT; Last modified: July 19, 2004 11:57 AM PDT
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Comments:
[7] richa @ 81.178.242.35 | 19-Jul-04/2:25 PM | Reply
Use prepositions or punctuation in the first verse, or this:-

'ee Bombling breet par facien eeepeee'

becomes this:-

'brazque gumprij ist wozzeling kumwa raosicon nebluspi
mit cucheen ij bloot.'
[n/a] Dovina @ 24.52.157.176 > richa | 19-Jul-04/2:37 PM | Reply
You can be so linguistic sometimes that it's hard to decipher. Yeah, some transitional ditties there might help. Thanks.
[9] Dan garcia-Black @ 66.159.217.182 | 20-Jul-04/8:52 AM | Reply
I never see rabbits when I'm driving at night unless they are wearing red, reflective tape. You have a good eye.
[9] Dan garcia-Black @ 66.159.217.182 > Dan garcia-Black | 20-Jul-04/8:55 AM | Reply
BTW, I think that the lack of connective tissue between phrases, sentences and images makes for a slower read. It gives the poem time to form in my thoughts and the end is stronger for your style.
[n/a] Dovina @ 24.52.157.176 > Dan garcia-Black | 20-Jul-04/9:10 AM | Reply
Sometimes naievete in rabbits is hard to distinguish from a keen sense for sizing up their predicament.
[n/a] Dovina @ 24.52.157.176 > Dovina | 20-Jul-04/9:12 AM | Reply
BTW Thank you
[9] edpeterson @ 68.79.19.4 | 20-Jul-04/10:03 AM | Reply
why illumine and not illuminate?
[n/a] Dovina @ 24.52.157.176 > edpeterson | 20-Jul-04/10:15 AM | Reply
Illumine sounded sweeter. I think they mean the same.
[8] wilco @ 66.162.22.123 | 20-Jul-04/12:30 PM | Reply
Silly rabbit.
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