poemranker ::Poor Unwritten Rabbit by Dovina

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Free verse № 108722

Poor Unwritten Rabbit

by Dovina

Member since 2004 · Posted 19 Jul 2004 · 9 comments

Driving home with faint hope searching headlights will catch a bat or cloud of insects whose unwritten lives may illumine mine. Beside the road a naïve rabbit perfectly still believes he’s invisible

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mean 7.55 weighted 6.27 rank 912 views 323 View voting details →

11 votes so far. Yours would make 12.11 votes so far

A favorite of eyrbare.

9 comments

[7] richa 19-Jul-04/2:25 PM Reply
Use prepositions or punctuation in the first verse, or this:-

'ee Bombling breet par facien eeepeee'

becomes this:-

'brazque gumprij ist wozzeling kumwa raosicon nebluspi
mit cucheen ij bloot.'
[n/a] Dovina › richa 19-Jul-04/2:37 PM Reply
You can be so linguistic sometimes that it's hard to decipher. Yeah, some transitional ditties there might help. Thanks.
[9] Dan garcia-Black 20-Jul-04/8:52 AM Reply
I never see rabbits when I'm driving at night unless they are wearing red, reflective tape. You have a good eye.
[9] Dan garcia-Black › Dan garcia-Black 20-Jul-04/8:55 AM Reply
BTW, I think that the lack of connective tissue between phrases, sentences and images makes for a slower read. It gives the poem time to form in my thoughts and the end is stronger for your style.
[n/a] Dovina › Dan garcia-Black 20-Jul-04/9:10 AM Reply
Sometimes naievete in rabbits is hard to distinguish from a keen sense for sizing up their predicament.
[n/a] Dovina › Dovina 20-Jul-04/9:12 AM Reply
BTW Thank you
[9] edpeterson 20-Jul-04/10:03 AM Reply
why illumine and not illuminate?
[n/a] Dovina › edpeterson 20-Jul-04/10:15 AM Reply
Illumine sounded sweeter. I think they mean the same.
[8] wilco 20-Jul-04/12:30 PM Reply
Silly rabbit.