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Your True War Story (Free verse) by zodiac
When that evil motherfucker Joe Cool Finally got it in the Ashua Valley – a green Gassy stomach wound that made him mad, then scared, then gentle While we watched – we shrugged and added a rule To our already-big catalog of rules: don’t be mean; Don’t be evil, or you’ll get it like Joe Cool - You need rules like that. Only Green Billy cried. But Billy Was new in country, and cried often. Then we found Billy splayed out by the assassin like an Oriental Jesus on two bamboo poles one rainy, chilly Morning in June. We made more rules: don’t be soft, and Don’t be evil, or you’ll get it. But really It wasn’t until Silent John the Texan, black and Bigger-than-life, caught a stray shot that whined Suddenly out of a bright August day, took most of his dental Work skittering off into the bracken, We began to see the pattern: the strong silent kind, The mean one, the greenhorn – all the characters. Then back in Camp we drew into ourselves, in the spaces Of sentient quiet that inhabit the nighttime jungle – Frightened of distinction – when kids at home, a sentimental Love for German opera, for all we knew, were basis Enough for the karma to get you. The next bungle Was sensitive Lieutenant Caffrey; then the racist Sergeant hit a trip-wire mine. And when Danny Castanetti from Brooklyn got it, we frightened Ourselves thinking mere ethnicity was enough for the regimental Curse – until, pulling his throat-slit, whitened Corpse from the sleeping bag, we saw he had on girls’ panties – Even pantyhose. We laughed, but it was uncanny How it could root you out. Me – I’d sympathize With the twitchy rat-faced kid who bit it The next week, the eternally-optimistic Tennesseean on rental From headquarters, the couple of guys Who were always stoned – all died. But I knew it’d Not get me. The young writer, of course, never dies... - He wrote that one night, years after, Shivering in a cold house in the suburbs under The weight of several beers, the tv’s canned laughter Rattling through the empty rooms, and entirely alone – Only stopping when he got to the end to wonder If it was true – and if he wouldn’t rather Have died there, fully-rounded, than coming home, Without character enough to kill. Or maybe there was not Any kind of slantwise logic to it except what you brought There and clung to when everyone died, and kept in stories known And retold so long, you finally forgot They maybe weren’t really your own.

Up the ladder: Poor Unwritten Rabbit
Down the ladder: Patio 95

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Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
 GraphVotes
10  .. 51
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Arithmetic Mean: 9.714286
Weighted score: 6.2678666
Overall Rank: 914
Posted: January 27, 2004 11:44 AM PST; Last modified: January 31, 2004 5:35 PM PST
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Comments:
[n/a] zodiac @ 67.240.211.32 | 31-Jan-04/5:35 PM | Reply
[NB - coming out of a black doze pockmarked with nightmares of charging cavalry and endless lines of impressed yeomen foot-soldiers, I find myself on the floor of my office in three days’ growth of beard and a sort of contrived samurai armor made of old pizza boxes and damp sweatsocks (not mine – of this I’m sure,) my wife folding laundry nearby and glancing occasionally at me with an amused expression. What has happened? I ask, more than a little angered by what looks like the very real possibility that she’s been humoring me through another of these... spells, steadily gathering ammunition for her endless snipes against my (to say the least) sanity, credibility, and manhood. Oh nothing, she answers, eyebrow cocked – though it may relieve you to know the Huns have been repelled, the Saxon hordes bribed, and Macarthur is returned and reigning victorious over the Pacific front. Oh no – I gasp, my gaze falling on the scattered papers around me, scribbled in a kind of hurried runic shorthand, some big sheets covered with hasty sketches of enormous catapults and besieged port-cullises. Have I, I ask, been... rambling? And without waiting for an answer I lunge for as many papers as I can reach and ram them quickly into the nearby fireplace. Soon, all of them are burned – all except this last bit. BUT THIS IS THE LAST WAR POEM, I SWEAR!!! I am not a veteran; I am not the tallyho sort; and in fact I hate violence in any of its forms. So let me apologize for any... aberrations you may have been required to tolerate over the last few days. Rest assured, I will soon be back to writing poems about first love and thoughts of suicide – the normal subjects, things a guy can feel... well, dignified writing about. Once again, I’m terribly sorry. Thanks for understanding.]
[10] lastobelus @ 80.132.186.70 | 1-Feb-04/5:22 AM | Reply
This is the best of your war pomes, I think. But this habit of posting pomes on top of other unrelated pomes is disconcerting -- perhaps you should consider investing in another nick?

"Coming home without enough character to kill" is simply wonderful.
[n/a] zodiac @ 67.240.155.178 > lastobelus | 1-Feb-04/6:31 AM | Reply
All the poems I've posted on top of were pretty poorly received (and already off the top 20, besides, where they would never be seen again.) Ideally, I'd just have the self-control to wait my two days.
[n/a] zodiac @ 67.240.211.168 > zodiac | 1-Feb-04/6:54 AM | Reply
A few days ago, in a moment of desperation, I did try to create a zodiac., zodiac_, zodeeack, and several others, but nentwined foiled me somehow. Besides, deleting my stinkers is the only way my average ranking is going to surpass forsaken's incredible 6.40. Beating forsaken is, incidentally, my new calling.
[n/a] Goad @ 80.132.186.70 > zodiac | 1-Feb-04/9:23 AM | Reply
you have to use unique email addresses.
[n/a] Goad @ 80.132.186.70 > zodiac | 1-Feb-04/9:23 AM | Reply
?? You aren't seriously paying attention to the votes, are you? With the Cristals & SuburbanWannabeePsychos anonymously spraying teenage toilet pomes with tens? Pomeranker is uncensored and unmoderated, which is in general a very good thing, but ya gotta sort the pomes and posters into levels for yourself, and ignore or be amused by or have a little fun ranting against the shit. But don't delete your pomes. The worst I could imagine you posting would be more satisfying to read than the bulk of what's on the "best" list. The votes are level-sorted too. If you are given an 8 and one of the kids who seems to be genuinely trying to learn posts something a little better than usual and is given a 9, you don't actually believe the world at large, or at least the audience worth caring about, thinks your pome is "worse" in an absolute sense, do you? Besides more than half the voting going on is revenge voting from the angst-ridden teenagers (or the house megalomaniac) flipping out because you didn't buy their opus as an exemplification of immaculate genius.
[n/a] zodiac @ 67.240.192.14 > Goad | 1-Feb-04/10:06 AM | Reply
Of course - I know the ranking is crap, and biased (at least by me) towards teenies who need encouraging. But I'm still a little sad that -=Dark_Angel=- doesn't vote on my poems anymore - not even to give them his trademark undeserved 10s.
[n/a] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. @ 163.1.146.87 > zodiac | 1-Feb-04/10:33 AM | Reply
I have no idea how to vote on your work. If you wrote a rhyming piece about a Ware-Pig, or about a man who goes for an entire year without wiping his bum, or about a dysfunctional (but terrifyingly powerful) Loom who naughtily secretes all its oils causing the weavlings emerge as mere husks, then I'd know what I was talking about. But when it comes to your poemes, I can mostly tell they're well written in the sense that you know the difference between "you're" and "your", or "it's" and "its", and that they don't sound like they were oozed onto the page by a drugged leper, but apart from that my ignorance would shock e'en the most foul smelling of peasantlings. In non-rhyming free verse, most line breaks look arbitrary to me. Maybe it's because I am thinly read. You could ask the other -=Dark_Angel=-, who is widely read, but I fear it could be some time before he replies - yesterday he had to see the College nurse because... because it happened again.
[n/a] zodiac @ 152.30.11.101 > -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. | 1-Feb-04/11:08 AM | Reply
Is there a poem about Ware-Pigs here?
[n/a] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. @ 163.1.146.87 > zodiac | 1-Feb-04/11:34 AM | Reply
'This Is Me' by crystal lane swift
[n/a] zodiac @ 152.30.201.168 > -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. | 1-Feb-04/11:41 AM | Reply
lol.
[10] middenHeap @ 80.132.186.70 > zodiac | 1-Feb-04/10:47 AM | Reply
I concur with -=Dark_Angel=- (I can't believe I actually just took the time and effort to type that out accurately for the crotchety old maggot). Well, I don't care about Ware-Pigs, but it is certainly easier to toss off a vote for the simpler stuff or the humorous/naughty stuff.
[n/a] zodiac @ 152.30.11.101 > middenHeap | 1-Feb-04/11:07 AM | Reply
I give you both much more credit than that. Besides, you can comment on how I rhymed gentle with dental, Oriental, sentimental, regimental and rental in this one (and also "bit it" with "it'd"). I'm quite proud of that. As far as line breaks go, I'm with Frost with his ideas on free verse: I wouldn't begin to know what to write if I didn't have a structure to work in. I'm currently trying to move away from rigid iambic or anapestic whatevermeter to something still rhymed but more free-flowing (with smoother, more natural diction,) and much of the stuff I've posted on the site is my first few awkward attempts. So I'd be really interested in hearing from either of you how the flow works, where it doesn't and so forth. You both (or all three) have excellent ears for rhythm, I can tell, and could help me a lot in that respect.
[10] middenHeap @ 80.132.178.112 > zodiac | 1-Feb-04/1:25 PM | Reply
Your rhyming is so sophisticated it's almost unnoticable. I'm envious. I must study it and learn. Do you use a rhyming dictionary or other resource? Can you recommend one, hopefully with an electronic version? (I'm mostly paperless these days. Dictionary.com has changed my life).
[n/a] zodiac @ 152.30.60.187 > middenHeap | 1-Feb-04/1:43 PM | Reply
I use Merriam-Webster's Rhyming Dictionary a lot. With a paper copy, you can look at other end-sounds on the same page to get cool partial rhymes. Rhymezone.com is useful in a pinch, but leads me astray into obscure and meaningless phonemes as often as it helps - and is noticeably lacking a lot of words. And both of them are evil in that, if you use them long enough, you will try to rhyme every word in a poem with every other. One particularly egregious instance in my recent memory would be an attempted rhyming once of watching, blotchy, debauching, fibonacci, hibatchi, vivace, swatches, (the) Koches, 'en pace', cocyx, and so on - after which I found myself laid out for three days with a strained lumbar, a clearer conception of my own frailty, and no idea what the poem was about. I wouldn't recommend it to anyone. You'll notice though that this poem (http://www.poemranker.com/poem-details.jsp?id=80478)only has five rhyming sounds, and this one (http://www.poemranker.com/poem-details.jsp?id=79687) only has four if you count partial rhymes like 'Carly' and 'early' as one.
[10] middenHeap @ 80.132.178.112 > zodiac | 1-Feb-04/1:50 PM | Reply
I will order myself a copy from amazon along with "Poetry for Complete Idiots" I've decided I need to do some exercises.
[n/a] zodiac @ 152.30.60.187 > middenHeap | 1-Feb-04/2:08 PM | Reply
Watch out. It's a mixed blessing. Recently, though, I picked up Seamus Heaney's Complete Poems (many of which are online) and was really impressed by his partial rhyme and partial rhythm. He's a good place to start, especially some of the ones here: //www.ibiblio.org/ipa/heaney/index.html
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