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Urbane Jane (Free verse) by MacFrantic She walked in such a strut
Confined to an air of vanity
Stealing glances at the unbecoming
But we just crowed at her
All the while smirking
At her ego and her flaw
The flower girls from her wedding
Following the trails of adoration
Still stood a step outside her circle
Rain began falling at midnight
As Lady Jane stood outside
Drenched in moonlight
And we sang to her like bluebirds
And like a cat she stared us down
Up the ladder:
The Other
Down the ladder:
A Bronze Mule
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 7.0
Posted: July 5, 2004 2:03 PM PDT; Last modified: July 7, 2004 7:06 PM PDTWeighted score: 5.2384057 Overall Rank: 4096 Comments:
"her foot servants too"
what is with all the low votes here? i think confined to an air of vanity is quite a good line. and we sang to her i think this poem is excellent
i do think "faltered ego" could be better stated. more clear.
Personally, I believe that "ego" alone works splendidly. You guys are right about changing "faltered"
Better.
Perhaps needs to be a bit punchier. Like 'steal glances at unbecoming' and the final couplet.
i still do not understand why sung and not sang.
Good eye! I thank you!
Sounds like this Fugazi song called "Porch Donkey".
I like it all but "confined to." why not give her a choice?
it's a keeper.
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Try removing "confined to" from "an air of vanity, thus giving her some choice.
"faltered ego" seems imprecise, maybe faulted.