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Your sad goodbye (Other) by sanity Whispers through the branches
Echo as we part
Clouds above forming
The rain will soon start
The children's laughs and screams
Echo as we part
Clouds above forming
Darkness in my heart
Your sad goodbye to me
Echo as we part
Clouds above forming
As you now depart
Up the ladder:
Sonnet IX
Down the ladder:
Epitaph
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 6.428571
Posted: July 4, 2004 1:20 AM PDT; Last modified: July 4, 2004 1:20 AM PDTWeighted score: 5.384202 Overall Rank: 3236 Comments:
[8]
richa @ 81.178.242.35
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4-Jul-04/5:37 AM
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Reply
Cute enough nice sounds, the last two lines of each verse are a nice innovation.
I like the repeated line "Clouds above forming" with its shades of meaning, and rhyming lines 2 and 4. There must be a name for this.
"Echoes as we part" or "Your sad goodbyes to me"
there is a name for it, I created it myself and named it seicinque, thi8s is a multiple seicinque, the basis is
line 1 6 syllables lines2,3,4. 5 syllables you can have one stanza or multiples of and the rhyming scheme is aBCb dBCb eBCb and so on, try it, it's quite challenging and you can use any subjest matter with it........
I like the way you use clouds as a metaphor for the human condition.
there is something catchy and appealing about this.
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