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Whore (Free verse) by gavinduff My friend
told me about the day
when he paid a whore
but she ran away
solemnity and dignity
left with her
as he stood
on the doorstep of promise
having embarked on
a transaction
that should,
if all is good,
garner some reward
needing
to fuck
to find something
some good luck
but itâs not there
and it wasnât
around the corner
where she counted the notes
it was at 8pm that same night
when abstemiousness
bragged of its supremacy
run, little whore,
run until
nothing is an obstacle
until clocks turn back
and thieves offer gifts
they once stole
from their own
impertinence
keep running, little whore,
until you find a place
where junkies are cheerful
and brothels
are churches of the populace
flog your gospel
to my friends
but let them read your bible
or they may never believe
that youâre running
to a place
where youâll be at ease
thereâs no place
where youâre fit to stand
on those doorsteps
that lead
to
emancipationâs front door
run you little whore.
Up the ladder:
The Chocolat Box
Down the ladder:
Fate
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 5.4
Posted: July 6, 2004 7:18 AM PDT; Last modified: July 6, 2004 7:18 AM PDTWeighted score: 5.0476813 Overall Rank: 6883 Comments:
let me be the first to say "davinguff"
sentence structure is a major, crucial element in all writing, including free verse, prose and even some grocery lists. the worthwhile writer takes his potential audience into consideration, and tries to structure sentences in a way that makes them understandable to that audience. I think the poem is pretty good, though it feels like a preach in parts. this is unsavory. 140 view(s)
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The abstemiousness bragged its supremacy is intriguing, but again the justification seems bogged down in badly managed sentence structure.