Re: Once they were gliders. by half.italian	9-Sep-06/10:05 PM
Pretty cool, I'll have to come back to this later for a proper read of it :-)
Re: a comment on weather poem part 9: song for gloria by nypoet22	9-Sep-06/10:04 PM
I noticed that most of yours started with the same line (which I thought was a top opening line) so I was quite surprised when this one didn't. Makes you wonder how people start conversations in countries where the weather's the same all year round, really.
Re: a comment on Epistemology (2nd draft) by Ranger	9-Sep-06/12:56 PM
Thanks, but in hindsight this poem, and virtually everything I said in the comments, is a monstrous embarassment for me. It wasn't particularly bright, and neither was I :-( I only keep it as a record of how I've improved.
Re: a comment on Hailing Miriam by Ranger	9-Sep-06/12:53 PM
Thank you :-) I don't think anyone's yet told me they picked up one the history (but I wrote it more than half an hour ago, so my memory isn't going to be that reliable a guide...) You got the Miriam/Mary bit?
Re: a comment on Exposing Anne Frank by Caducus	9-Sep-06/12:38 PM
What makes you ask that?
Re: Products of Pacifisim by Nuit	9-Sep-06/12:33 PM
So are you saying that religious wars make for a more interesting life? That's what I'm taking from this poem.
Re: weather poem part 9: song for gloria by nypoet22	9-Sep-06/12:31 PM
The story in here is good - from experience (partly/entirely)? I tend to find that lyrics are difficult to rate in purely written form; their effectiveness is substantially down to the music involved. The following song is the ultimate example of it - average poetry, but utterly stunning when set to music: http://www.lyricscafe.com/p/porcupine_tree/061.htm (beware popups...) for the lyrics, if you can download it, the band is Porcupine Tree and the song is Heartattack In A Layby. **shameless plug over** What's the deal with the title - 'weather poem'?
Re: a comment on With Old Light by Ranger	8-Sep-06/11:53 PM
I may have got this far, but there's still a long way to go yet... Metre is where I usually fall down, I'm still coming to terms with words not doing everything I want them to, precisely when I want them to ;-) I'll work on getting the stresses right (it may take a while though...) Perhaps I should change the opening stanza to something less pictorial? Stanza 6 is going, when next I edit this, and I really like Niphredil's idea for altering the final stanza, so maybe if I just keep 2, 3, 4 and 5 they'll have plenty enough images to see the poem through. It's a wrench to leave out some lines, but I'll save them for another outing, methinks ;-)
Re: weather poem part 11: the muffin by nypoet22	8-Sep-06/11:39 PM
The first line is class and the imagery in here is pretty unique to the subject, I think. Lines 8 and 9, although fun, seem a little...erm...simple, maybe, in comparison with the rest? The content is good there but I'd have preferred it to be rephrased. Other than that, I thoroughly enjoyed this :-)
Re: End of day poem by ecargo	8-Sep-06/11:34 PM
Love some of the passages in here - 'seeds cling to stem', 'hidden labyrinths', 'curved shield of pewter sky' etc. I also like the way you begin with 'new gold' (of young grain, I assume) as opposed to the older amber light. Metre isn't my strong point, but 'over' was awkward to me, I'd have felt more comfortable with 'across', somehow. Line 13 I think should be 'Cicadas' (unless it's the churn of a cicada, not sure what you're getting at there). I do really like this though, the gentleness and natural beauty. Makes me think of home :-)
Re: Chronicles of a wannabe chav by Mr Pig	7-Sep-06/1:17 PM
Oh, mister P, once again you give us an amusing reflection on modern life. If only this could be turned into a full-length epic of beauty, barbarism and Burberry...
Re: a comment on With Old Light by Ranger	7-Sep-06/1:00 PM
I think, really, you're spot on. I wanted to believe that stanza 6 could work, but really knew it wouldn't - at least if I change it there'll be room for a connecting stanza. It'd also remove the temporal issue (again, you're right about and I tried to make myself think it would work). I love the idea of making the last stanza flawed...perhaps if I changed 'free of knot or tether' it might work? I couldn't say where you might have seen this before, although I wouldn't be surprised if you've found similar in Kipling or Milne (big influences :-D). I guarantee the work is my own though ;-) Once more, thank you for reading and suggesting ideas, you're always so kind about my writing :-)
Re: A Night By The Shore by Bhaskaryya	5-Sep-06/11:55 PM
Superb, another favourite :-D
Re: Dying Abroad by zodiac	5-Sep-06/11:51 PM
Unbelievably good. 'Slip sibilant...' - reference to the sound of crickets? I thought it worked well. But then again, so did the rest of the piece.
Re: A Year Later (edited a bit) by Sasha	5-Sep-06/11:40 PM
One of the best villanelles I've read on the ranker - very traditional feel to it which gets bonus points :-) I'd find an alternative for the first 'shiver' in the final stanza, and you missed the last 'to' (that's not a criticism though, just a pedantic observation ;-)) Only other whinge I have is about the exclamation marks - personally I hate them in most poetry, but you might feel they're necessary to stay in keeping with the style. That's fair enough I guess, I won't derank it on that alone. Other than that? Stunning rhythm and it flows more or less perfectly (you might want to de-capitalise the start of line 14 to retain the grammatical consistency). This just has to be added to my favourites :-)
Re: a comment on From Across the Line by Dovina	5-Sep-06/11:21 PM
Que?
Re: a comment on Buttocks. by Ulterius	4-Sep-06/11:48 PM
In the world of literary criticism, correct usage of a word is of absolute importance. In the world of poemranker, I guess it's slightly less so ;-)
Re: Singing by ThereseWaneck	4-Sep-06/11:45 PM
"A sweet sad song" didn't really seem to fit after the thunder/lightning/rock passage. Unless I missed something, which is highly plausible. I like the last three lines, but how about just "Slickly/step-step-steppin' to the storm/of the rain song's beat"?
Re: From Across the Line by Dovina	4-Sep-06/11:40 PM
Glorious
Re: Steve Irwin by Bobjim	4-Sep-06/11:40 PM
Or barbed through the heart by a stingray. *A minute's silence at the passing of a legend*