7 out of 14 is damn good, particularly if you're rhyming as well. Really, I don't think you need wholesale changes in here - you keep a good continuity thread going (something I rarely manage) and whereas I usually dont like so much repetition, here it works well. Perhaps 'Let everything there is soon disappear' would be a good one to edit - one gorgeous line in every ten is normally sufficient to keep the reader going.

I think maybe you've mistaken 'crude' for 'unsubtle'. The poem certainly isn't subtle, but then, good poetry doesn't have to be. On the other hand, the actual way in which this is written is rhythmically very refined indeed. I mean, come on - 'cleanliness bereft buttock' is utter genius :-)

*sigh* so much for trying to write something happy. This is very much an 'English countryside' poem - there aren't that many metaphors in here (I don't think) and those that are, are supposed to all be typical country scenes. Maybe I didn't bring that across enough, and focused too much on the images. Would I get away with making this longer, if it provided some sort of linking feature? I really don't want to remove too much of what's already there, to be honest - adding extra might be the only way forward.
Maybe I'll just go back to writing miserable verse ;-)

I assume by that you mean this is fairly brown, but tarnished by the occasional flecks of coke white?

I've learned from the best that poemranker has to offer, although there's still a long way to go. I'm following your lead, really. I mean, I've seen the way your poetry has improved since your early posts - in the same way that mine has too (my early posts were far worse though ;-)). Your writing deserves maximum respect from anyone worth their while.

Yes, I see your point, especially with the shift from stanza 1 to the vineyards. I'll see what I can do about that, maybe I'll have to change the verses, maybe I can get away with putting an individual line between each verse.

It didn't occur to me that the mills would make people think of Holland - I'm probably too used to them being over here. Same goes for the vineyards, I guess. Thank you for your thoughts, they are always of use :-)

I like the end rhymes in the final two lines of stanzas 1,2 and 4. If you can keep them and work in some subtle rhymes throughout, I think it would sound marvellous.

You may well be right - which images/passages are effective/ineffective? I'm not at all happy with stanza one or stanza six in particular, and the final two lines of stanza five suck. That being said, I wanted this to be an assortment of loosely-connected images (mostly countryside scenes) although I started it so long ago (i.e. more than a day ago) that I can't remember why I wanted that.

I was on holiday for the last couple of weeks; I have no intention of bailing, even with all the insults that have headed my way recently.

R.E. the rhymes - this feels like the sort of poem that would be very accommodating toward mid-line rhyming, just as a way of keeping a steady flow.