poemranker ::Pane Glass Lake by MacFrantic

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Free verse № 145500

Pane Glass Lake

Member since 2003 · Posted 28 Aug 2006 · Edited 29 Aug 2006 · 3 comments

This sanctuary is where I discovered, melancholy memories of fargone fields. But where fieldside is much less lakeside, I'll so surely vanish. So come while you can, and dine with me on clouds; I'll watch you lap up reflections in the midnight fog. I'll dance with your modesty, and swim in your ecstacy. If they should design for us: they being the bestial sorcerers, then I, In my fancy, will collect you In fishing nets on the morrow.

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mean 5.50 weighted 5.06 rank 6747 views 168 View voting details →

4 votes so far. Yours would make 5.4 votes so far

3 comments

[8] Ranger 29-Aug-06/12:11 PM Reply
I think 'beastial' should be 'bestial', but I could be wrong.
[n/a] MacFrantic › Ranger 29-Aug-06/2:41 PM Reply
You are correct. Thank you.
[6] Dovina 30-Aug-06/8:23 PM Reply
No comma after discovered.
Comma after fields.
Period after lakeside.
Temove "so."
Replace the colon with a comma.

At least it makes more sense to me that way.