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Pane Glass Lake (Free verse) by MacFrantic
This sanctuary is where I discovered, melancholy memories of fargone fields. But where fieldside is much less lakeside, I'll so surely vanish. So come while you can, and dine with me on clouds; I'll watch you lap up reflections in the midnight fog. I'll dance with your modesty, and swim in your ecstacy. If they should design for us: they being the bestial sorcerers, then I, In my fancy, will collect you In fishing nets on the morrow.

Up the ladder: Come sleep with me
Down the ladder: The Best Thing I Ever Had

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Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
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Arithmetic Mean: 5.5
Weighted score: 5.0596013
Overall Rank: 6785
Posted: August 28, 2006 10:35 AM PDT; Last modified: August 29, 2006 2:42 PM PDT
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Comments:
[8] Ranger @ 81.158.153.184 | 29-Aug-06/12:11 PM | Reply
I think 'beastial' should be 'bestial', but I could be wrong.
[n/a] MacFrantic @ 129.82.152.123 > Ranger | 29-Aug-06/2:41 PM | Reply
You are correct. Thank you.
[6] Dovina @ 12.72.44.122 | 30-Aug-06/8:23 PM | Reply
No comma after discovered.
Comma after fields.
Period after lakeside.
Temove "so."
Replace the colon with a comma.

At least it makes more sense to me that way.
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