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Other № 145502

Message sent

Member since 2006 · Posted 28 Aug 2006 · 4 comments

My love is sent like a messenger pigeon lifting from its perch upon my pen, flying at first with indecision till it senses its direction and then it turns on faith and wings, navigates with computer precision past mountains, valleys, oceans and buildings. No darkness, no storm will impede this mission. Though wind may pull and tear at its plume, though distance and time may seem so long, though the hopes in the message may seemed doomed, the messenger still carries on. Its wings still beating strong. And to my beloved is addressed a few words tied by a string of hope, of prayer that one day we’ll have no need for these birds for my love I’ll already be there.

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4 votes so far. Yours would make 5.4 votes so far

4 comments

[8] Ranger 29-Aug-06/12:08 PM Reply
Nice enough, maybe it would benefit from 'computer' being replaced with something else that fits the more traditional feel? The only other question I have is about the final line - is it addressed directly to her/him? If so, it would work better with punctuation ("for, my love, I'll already be there"). If it's just that you've played with word order ("I'll already be there for my love") then it just feels a little strained currently.

The rest of the poem is fine :-)
[n/a] A_Dark_Calm Ranger 29-Aug-06/1:58 PM Reply
I was wondering about whether I needed a comma there. Thankya.
The computer reference is sort of a give away.
[9] amanda_dcosta 30-Aug-06/9:41 AM Reply
I think the thirteenth line should read.. 'seem' instead of seemed. Apart from that.... it's beautiful.

And welcome to Poemranker.
[n/a] A_Dark_Calm amanda_dcosta 31-Aug-06/2:18 PM Reply
Good eye me lady! I must have been sleepless the day I posted this. The worst part is I wrote "seem" correctly the very next line up. Thank you for the welcoming. Well I must get some sleep then, Tata.
-always- A_Dark_Calm