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A Night By The Shore (Ghazal) by Bhaskaryya
Lunar waves rise and fall upon shores 'neath the moon The night's air whispers ancient lores 'neath the moon Wild geese render light to all; a wanderer's boon The shrieking nocturnal preys and gores 'neath the moon Glowing embers upon the midnight skies festoon Tossed by wailing winds, the ocean roars 'neath the moon Silver light reflects upon a lonely lagoon Lost in tempest, a young seagull soars 'neath the moon A distant mast through storm; survival struggles goon From the bosom of clouds, drizzle pours 'neath the moon Music to Aashik's soul as gossamer winds croon Gently easing him of all life's chores 'neath the moon

Up the ladder: A Civil Saving Strain

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Arithmetic Mean: 7.0
Weighted score: 5.2384057
Overall Rank: 4035
Posted: May 21, 2005 2:17 AM PDT; Last modified: May 21, 2005 2:17 AM PDT
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Ranger

Comments:
[n/a] deleted user @ 81.69.23.196 | 21-May-05/11:33 AM | Reply
A ghazal is an Urdu poetry form? I assume that here you maintain a traditional form. It's not the repetition that irritates me, but the abridgement. Why not 'underneath'? And why not 'underneath the moon' as a seperate line?
[n/a] deleted user @ 81.69.23.196 > deleted user | 21-May-05/11:35 AM | Reply
I'm asking because I found only ghazal related sites in what I suppose is Urdu...
[9] Shuushin @ 64.223.163.187 | 22-May-05/9:22 AM | Reply
Lovely images and the repetition blends nicely without become washed out.

I'm not very familiar with the stories related to Aashik-e-Rasool, but surely this must do them justice.
[8] richa @ 81.178.138.147 | 22-May-05/1:48 PM | Reply
boon, goon and croon are forced rhymes and if references are your thing (i.e. aashik's soul) use some more it makes the poem interesting. Other than that well done.
[10] Ranger @ 86.142.241.175 | 5-Sep-06/11:55 PM | Reply
Superb, another favourite :-D
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