| Poem: Submit | Random | Best | Worst | Recent | Comments |
|
A Night By The Shore (Ghazal) by Bhaskaryya Lunar waves rise and fall upon shores 'neath the moon
The night's air whispers ancient lores 'neath the moon
Wild geese render light to all; a wanderer's boon
The shrieking nocturnal preys and gores 'neath the moon
Glowing embers upon the midnight skies festoon
Tossed by wailing winds, the ocean roars 'neath the moon
Silver light reflects upon a lonely lagoon
Lost in tempest, a young seagull soars 'neath the moon
A distant mast through storm; survival struggles goon
From the bosom of clouds, drizzle pours 'neath the moon
Music to Aashik's soul as gossamer winds croon
Gently easing him of all life's chores 'neath the moon
Up the ladder:
Why Daddy?
Down the ladder:
Claim to Call
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 7.0
Posted: May 21, 2005 2:17 AM PDT; Last modified: May 21, 2005 2:17 AM PDTWeighted score: 5.2384057 Overall Rank: 4047 The following users have marked this poem on their favorites list:
Comments:
[n/a]
deleted user @ 81.69.23.196
|
21-May-05/11:33 AM
|
Reply
A ghazal is an Urdu poetry form? I assume that here you maintain a traditional form. It's not the repetition that irritates me, but the abridgement. Why not 'underneath'? And why not 'underneath the moon' as a seperate line?
[n/a]
deleted user @ 81.69.23.196
> deleted user
|
21-May-05/11:35 AM
|
Reply
I'm asking because I found only ghazal related sites in what I suppose is Urdu...
Lovely images and the repetition blends nicely without become washed out.
I'm not very familiar with the stories related to Aashik-e-Rasool, but surely this must do them justice.
boon, goon and croon are forced rhymes and if references are your thing (i.e. aashik's soul) use some more it makes the poem interesting. Other than that well done.
Superb, another favourite :-D
203 view(s)
|
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
