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End of day poem (Free verse) by ecargo
New gold, these stubbled fields, as summer goes, and late-day slant of sun lights grassy tufts to amber clarity. Seeds cling to stem, but wind will tug and free the feathered ends. We try to count the dragonflies adrift-- hundreds glide over the stone-set paths, fly hidden labyrinths we cannot trace, alight on walls with quick, transparent grace. We’re stunned and slow as autumn-heavy bees, transfigured by September’s sorcery, dazzled as we move through spellbound fields, bound to hardening ground, beneath curved shield of pewter sky. Cicada’s churn and swallows dip and dive beneath the sky now leached of summer’s bright displays of blue. The air itself is charged, and edged with cooler chimes, as nature shifts.

Down the ladder: Is it you

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Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
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10  .. 41
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Arithmetic Mean: 9.833333
Weighted score: 6.2998834
Overall Rank: 881
Posted: September 7, 2006 5:28 PM PDT; Last modified: September 7, 2006 5:28 PM PDT
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Comments:
[10] zodiac @ 152.18.33.190 | 8-Sep-06/10:03 AM | Reply
Nice. Like richa, with rhythm.
[n/a] ecargo @ 63.22.89.248 > zodiac | 10-Sep-06/6:43 PM | Reply
High praise--thanks. Nice to see you around.
[9] Ranger @ 86.131.56.81 | 8-Sep-06/11:34 PM | Reply
Love some of the passages in here - 'seeds cling to stem', 'hidden labyrinths', 'curved shield of pewter sky' etc. I also like the way you begin with 'new gold' (of young grain, I assume) as opposed to the older amber light. Metre isn't my strong point, but 'over' was awkward to me, I'd have felt more comfortable with 'across', somehow. Line 13 I think should be 'Cicadas' (unless it's the churn of a cicada, not sure what you're getting at there). I do really like this though, the gentleness and natural beauty. Makes me think of home :-)
[n/a] ecargo @ 63.22.89.248 > Ranger | 10-Sep-06/6:45 PM | Reply
Thanks Ranger. Some problems I still need to work out--the first and last verses still don't scan right to me. "Cicada's" a typo--thanks for pointing it out. I agree with "over" causing a stumble--it was "along" originally, but that made the labyrinths somewhat traceable. "Across" is a good suggestion.

As always, thanks for the read and the thoughtful comments. :-)
[10] half.italian @ 70.36.242.152 | 9-Sep-06/2:59 PM | Reply
The stanzas confused me a bit, but the words are beautiful. Wow.
[10] half.italian @ 75.82.193.144 | 24-Jan-10/8:59 PM | Reply
pewter sky

:)
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