Poemranker [Poem: weather poem part 9: song for gloria] [by nypoet22] Thu Nov 21 11:07:08 PST 2024

I was walking in a dream When your father came to me He said, Is my daughter happy? It's your responsibility. He said, Why you got to be so cold Why you got to be so cold, boy You ain't got to be so cold Then I woke up in a sweat Three A.M. and soaking wet Called you up and said I'm sorry, So sorry, unsure What I was even sorry for. But why you got to be so cold Why you got to be so cold, girl You ain't got to be so cold It turned out your dad had died Of that had no other clue. Call me crazy but i think he tried to send me a message for you. He said, Why you got to be so cold Why you got to be so cold, now Baby you ain't got to be so cold Now a few more years have gone Good to see you carried on But throw a tone to this old man Let me see you smile again Why you got to be so cold Why you got to be so cold, girl You ain't got to be so cold You ain't got to be so cold, no more You ain't got to be so cold So cold, so cold, so cold...

[9] Ranger @ 86.140.69.193 | 9-Sep-06/12:31 PM | Reply

The story in here is good - from experience (partly/entirely)? I tend to find that lyrics are difficult to rate in purely written form; their effectiveness is substantially down to the music involved. The following song is the ultimate example of it - average poetry, but utterly stunning when set to music:
http://www.lyricscafe.com/p/porcupine_tree/061.htm
(beware popups...) for the lyrics, if you can download it, the band is Porcupine Tree and the song is Heartattack In A Layby.
**shameless plug over**

What's the deal with the title - 'weather poem'?

[n/a] nypoet22 @ 70.149.108.201 > Ranger | 9-Sep-06/1:07 PM | Reply

it's a long and as yet incomplete series of poems. they vary in form and content, but are all connected with some aspect of weather, which i think is the foreground of most small talk. most of the poems start with the same line as well, this being one of the exceptions.

[9] Ranger @ 86.140.66.234 > nypoet22 | 9-Sep-06/10:04 PM | Reply

I noticed that most of yours started with the same line (which I thought was a top opening line) so I was quite surprised when this one didn't.
Makes you wonder how people start conversations in countries where the weather's the same all year round, really.

[8] Dovina @ 12.72.45.68 | 10-Sep-06/6:34 PM | Reply

I wonder why you present these parts from the last, working toward the first, and why they are written in different styles, united as you say, by the theme of weather. All of them, up to this point, have some good lines, but I believe I'd do better in following your theme if the intro part were given first.

[n/a] nypoet22 @ 70.149.108.240 > Dovina | 10-Sep-06/9:23 PM | Reply

i wish i could claim some clearly defined master plan where that's concerned. at the moment i feel like it's still taking shape, something to mirror the weather itself, cyclical and predictable over time but random day to day.