on Last flight of a goose by Bobjim
19 Sep 2006, 12:49 PM
Agreed with richa, order it 3,4,1,2. This is legendary :-)
replying on The Secret by ecargo
19 Sep 2006, 12:42 PM
You should enter it (assuming the entry fee isn't something like a thousand dollars) - particularly if you can include Selkie in your collection. Nothing ventured, nothing gained indeed - and you might well surprise yourself :-) Do you write fiction other than poetry?
replying on The Secret by ecargo
19 Sep 2006, 12:39 PM
Ah, I thought you were being specific - a secret miscarriage. I was quite concerned by the last line (on this reading) though - I mean, how many dead babies had been buried?! And were they all yours or were there - God forbid - prawnes inamongst the corpses too?
Question: was there a prawn unit in the war, or indeed, in any war?
Question: was there a prawn unit in the war, or indeed, in any war?
replying on The Secret by ecargo
19 Sep 2006, 12:34 PM
True, but you have to go abroad to get people to notice it...
on Jose Streets by SupremeDreamer
19 Sep 2006, 12:29 PM
Argh! The curse of the "'n" strikes again! I know, I know, I'm a Queen's English snob, I'll get over it one day...
Anyway, I quite liked the story but struggled to get the beat to it. ecargo's better at this than me, but I do think it wants reworking, or maybe just reclassifying. Done as prose it would seem very akin to the monologue introduction to a character story (does need to be spoken though). Decent enough, let me know if you do any edits of this; I'd be interested to read :-)
Anyway, I quite liked the story but struggled to get the beat to it. ecargo's better at this than me, but I do think it wants reworking, or maybe just reclassifying. Done as prose it would seem very akin to the monologue introduction to a character story (does need to be spoken though). Decent enough, let me know if you do any edits of this; I'd be interested to read :-)
replying on Week End Justification by half.italian
19 Sep 2006, 8:11 AM
Dammit, I must have been slow-thinking recently. More so than usual, anyway. There's most certainly a pun in here - 'weakened justification', relating to the excesses of stanza 2 - and if there isn't, there should be. Upping the score for that, and also because every time I read this the last two lines get more and more fun.
on Head Exploding Mark 2 by pink_escape
19 Sep 2006, 8:06 AM
Genius title.
on Fare Price (Final Version) by Wakeboarder20
19 Sep 2006, 8:05 AM
If I remember rightly, I quite liked the original. Decent enough edit, although I can never quite be sure whether you're religious or not.
on Constipation by colbaby
19 Sep 2006, 8:01 AM
Oh, how I laughed. I thought it was only the British who were allowed this sort of humour.
on Pale Blue by MacFrantic
19 Sep 2006, 7:59 AM
Oh, I must have missed this when it was posted. Nice, stanzas 2 and 3 especially. Could do with working on the stresses a bit.
replying on Final Goregasm by creepshow
19 Sep 2006, 7:57 AM
Chips with that, please.
on Staring through you by creepshow
19 Sep 2006, 7:56 AM
Nasty poems work best with a solid structure for guidance. This, although undeniably nasty, could do with being structured. As it is, it reads like a stop-start collection of thoughts - which doesn't flow very well.
By the way, do you really do all this?
By the way, do you really do all this?
on The Secret by ecargo
19 Sep 2006, 7:50 AM
This is a miscarriage poem, right? You've got an odd timing in here - I can make most of it fit, but the first line throws it somewhat. With a slow reading it fits, but I found it still a little awkward.
Are you entering the WWA?
Are you entering the WWA?
replying on The Secret by ecargo
19 Sep 2006, 7:45 AM
Damn my British citizenship!
on Morning Glory by moyah8
18 Sep 2006, 6:59 AM
'...and that's when I swore I saw the grim reaper' had me laughing aloud. I'm not sure if you're intending for this to be a 'vulgar' poem like the South Parkers here, or if it's meant in seriousness.
Also, your username made me wonder if it's some kind of horus8 tribute.
Also, your username made me wonder if it's some kind of horus8 tribute.
on weather poem part 7: a short, sudden gust by nypoet22
18 Sep 2006, 6:53 AM
'Weather' works fine as a verb in the last line; I read it that way the first time round. You might want to think about making the title a little more revealing - perhaps twisting round the Oscar Wilde quote 'The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about' (assuming I remembered the quote correctly). Of course, you run the risk of having a title longer than the poem that way.
on Howl For Clarity (for Jeff Buckley) by Bachus
16 Sep 2006, 2:51 AM
Godly (man and poem)
on The nymph steals the farm-son by <~>
16 Sep 2006, 2:47 AM
Sweet, nearly cute :-)
on Week End Justification by half.italian
16 Sep 2006, 2:42 AM
Not convinced by the use of 'rubber' as a verb, other than that it's pretty clear. I finished work for the summer yesterday, so I think this will apply tonight :-D
Cool ending, btw
Cool ending, btw