on Panic Slide by MacFrantic
14 Feb 2006, 2:35 AM
Cars?
I'm not too sure about 'very long racing stripes', the 'very long' is really simplistic compared to the rest of it.
Catchy though.
I'm not too sure about 'very long racing stripes', the 'very long' is really simplistic compared to the rest of it.
Catchy though.
on What is Love? by edgar-allen-poe-rox
14 Feb 2006, 9:24 AM
Before I write a proper comment and risk incurring your wrath, do you want constructive criticism or will it make you rather irate if I write a less-than-flattering synopsis? I've been there myself with the first few posts; tell me what you want before I rush to conclusions here...
on some deleted poem
14 Feb 2006, 9:58 AM
Stunning. Stanza 2 in particular.
"It haunted you/like a flamenco sky sangria-stained/where birds dive..."
Wow.
"It haunted you/like a flamenco sky sangria-stained/where birds dive..."
Wow.
on discovery by skaskowski
14 Feb 2006, 10:09 AM
Nonsensical, but isn't that the point of this poem? I quite like the imaginings here, but then again I would.
on Winter Wonderland by raven_the_poet
14 Feb 2006, 10:33 AM
Sounds like something that would suit a villanelle, with a little expansion.
on change (3rd draft) by Adriaan
14 Feb 2006, 3:41 PM
Ah...it's tricky to know what to say about a haiku, particularly a short haiku (or whatever the technical name is for this structure, 3-5-2, sounds like a football formation) but this has so much scope for descriptive imagery. I want to say 'describe the hermit, describe where he's sitting, describe the leaves, describe how they're falling' etc. etc. etc. but I have this nagging feeling that it would actually detract from the purpose of this poem; it retains a clarity in its brevity that is actually quite refreshing. And I'm rambling. If only Kaolin had made a comment compressor to shift through the rubbish in my comments so as to find any kernels of usefulness that might remain.
on Valentine 2 by zodiac
14 Feb 2006, 3:44 PM
Love the description of the gunfire into trees.
Forgive my lack of historical knowledge - are the quotes factually accurate, or are they artistic license, zodiac-style?
Forgive my lack of historical knowledge - are the quotes factually accurate, or are they artistic license, zodiac-style?
on some deleted poem
15 Feb 2006, 1:54 AM
Sounds like you had a shitty day.
But you have time yet. Don't lose heart.
But you have time yet. Don't lose heart.
on Down on Dogs by Bobjim
15 Feb 2006, 6:36 AM
BJ, you're desperate to get that Orange Award back, aren't you?
on Yet another Morning Glory piss-take by Bobjim
15 Feb 2006, 6:38 AM
Another Orange reason (parodying another user). But it made me laugh so much...
on To Bob, Love Ed by Bobjim
15 Feb 2006, 6:42 AM
Bob, you're so fine. Really.
on Teaching Beetles To Swim by Bobjim
15 Feb 2006, 6:44 AM
Is this yours?
on To drnick by amanda_dcosta
15 Feb 2006, 6:46 AM
drnick, you are a privileged soul! Glorious!
on Tuna and sweetcorn by Bobjim
15 Feb 2006, 6:48 AM
Aha! Very good, sir, very good!
on In the Land of Bob by Bobjim
15 Feb 2006, 6:53 AM
I'm converted
on some deleted poem
15 Feb 2006, 6:58 AM
Because you're no longer here, let's not even see this pile of rubbish. Save the worst slots for genuine rubbish.
on Stealth Assassin (draft) by Mona Lisa
16 Feb 2006, 3:47 AM
There's potential here, although I don't like stanzas 4 and 6. You could do well bringing out the sort of taint on the love (as you do in the last stanza) more, I think. As it's a draft I'll hold rating it for when it's edited.
I think the grammar and structure could do with being worked on, but I like the content and images - they could do with being brought out a little more though.