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Valentine 2 (Free verse) by zodiac
(Captain Cook dies in Kealakekua Bay, Hawaii) - After which, we know, the Resolution loosed her carriage guns and muskets on the offending bush; and perhaps, even then, the crew noted the way the fan palms, the lush vine-weave, the acanthaceae bellied like sails, became momentarily more and more-radiant than themselves as they took shells, how their crushed-wet smell reached the ship even before the heat and noise of impact, and were ashamed to let it stop their work, for Cook was dead. And perhaps Clerke turning over his dry bones in a tent pitched on a rock stretch of coast where death and a small girl watched, fretted, took turns pressing their dry hands to his forehead, perhaps he said – to death, the girl couldn’t understand – ‘In our absence they’d made us gods. Who’d traded no less than the ship’s iron nails for bits of skin-touch, native girls.’ And then, ‘Even when the foremastman died, yes, even when Cook himself belched at the feast.’ And then, ‘So absence does.’ Death, nodding in the corner, checked his watch, tented his fingertips, assumed what he assumed was the proper expression, perhaps. The girl touched him again, then hiked back to the camp with meat and tin, his knife – the usual things.

Up the ladder: Rails to Trails
Down the ladder: Tingling

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Arithmetic Mean: 9.0
Weighted score: 5.476812
Overall Rank: 2817
Posted: November 30, 2005 1:14 AM PST; Last modified: February 14, 2006 1:58 PM PST
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Comments:
[8] Ranger @ 62.252.32.15 | 14-Feb-06/3:44 PM | Reply
Love the description of the gunfire into trees.
Forgive my lack of historical knowledge - are the quotes factually accurate, or are they artistic license, zodiac-style?
[n/a] zodiac @ 209.193.18.30 > Ranger | 14-Feb-06/4:59 PM | Reply
The 'perhaps' throughout is my nod to AlChemy calling me out on the last one. The only thing that's sure in this poem is the ship blasting the island, which did really happen.

Other than the last two poems, I've never put words in any real person's mouth except Jesus, who I figure is used to it.
[10] ALChemy @ 24.74.100.11 | 14-Feb-06/3:49 PM | Reply
I think at your core you're a story teller. That's what you gift is. I think stories are harder than poems and story poems are the hardest to do of them all. Your poems are usually like scenes to a greater story. Both your Valentines leave us wanting more, the cop who never gets his answer, the captain that never is given a proper send off. This is the theme I get from it. Death is about what didn't happen but could have.
By the way I love the differences between the two Valentines.
[n/a] zodiac @ 209.193.18.30 > ALChemy | 14-Feb-06/4:57 PM | Reply
This is going to come off as bragging whatever I say. I think I'm so worried about not saying things twice, I can barely make myself say anything once. Things I would have liked to include in this poem if I'd known how:

- After killing Cook, the Hawaiians ate his flesh;
- Clerke, Cook's second-in-command who took the Resolution home after Cook's death, had tuberculosis even then, from voluntarily spending a year in debtor's prison to cover his brother's debt.

That said, I think the two poems complete each other. The secret Gusenberg never reveals is, I don't know, the misspent idealism and absurdity of it and love-death that Clerke is trying to express. That's the Valentine, for the Irish who cares or the native girl who doesn't. Honestly, though, I wish I'd made just one of the poems say that, or something better. Of the two, I think this gets the closest to where I want, with the girl leaving. And here I wish the poetry came out a little more.
[10] ALChemy @ 24.74.100.11 > zodiac | 15-Feb-06/5:20 AM | Reply
I see what you mean. I've always thought there was a connection between kissing and canabalism. Maybe that could tie it all in for you. Maybe let the narrator give the last lines as questions as if he himself cannot imagine how they can eat their gods.
I think it's just hard to see the history behind the story unless you know about the original story first and so it loses some of it's impact for those who don't know the history.
With a little research I'm sure I'll be able to appreciate the poem alot more.
[8] amanda_dcosta @ 203.145.159.44 | 15-Feb-06/7:09 AM | Reply
Quite different from my usual preference,.... but I like it. Are these news clippings from some real event. I ain't much of a news person, must admit that.
[n/a] zodiac @ 209.193.9.50 > amanda_dcosta | 15-Feb-06/8:38 AM | Reply
Not news clippings, but a real event - from 1779 and your part of the world. Captain Cook was killed by native knives in Hawaii after his third voyage around the world.
[n/a] Dental Panic @ 84.27.6.94 | 16-Feb-06/4:31 PM | Reply
'then hiked back to the camp
with meat and tin, his knife – the usual things.'

And germs too. "Syphilis, gonorrhea, tubercilosis, and influenza arriving with Captain Cook in 1799, followed by a big typhoid epidemic in 1804 and numerous 'minor'diseases, reduced Hawaii's population from around half a million in 1779 to 84,000 in 1853, the year when smallpox finally reached Hawaii and killed around 10,000 of the survivors."
Sorry, I'm deep into Jared Diamond's 'Guns, Germs and Steel' at the moment.
[n/a] zodiac @ 209.193.14.62 > Dental Panic | 16-Feb-06/5:23 PM | Reply
I love that book.
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