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Rails to Trails (Free verse) by Dovina
The future lies at the end of parallel rails said visionaries in 1880— locomotives for the long haul electric trains for interurban street cars, elevated railways, subways even a tourist line to Altadena’s celebrated poppyfields. The nation’s map became a network of curvilinear steel. Today, most rails lie quiet flanged wheels touch no more their rusted tops creosoted ties squash no more the ballast and weeds grow up between them defeated by trucks and planes. Civil engineers pay servants like me, to research deeds make compelling maps to gain approval for dwellings on old railroad rights-of-way to build roads where boys chase rabbits to add more people to clog the freeways prevent a horse from running and a cyclist from a safe morning ride. Only a few abandoned railroads meet their founders foresight become trails for hikers, horses, bicycles needed now as much as rails were then. Only a few visionaries see as their grandparents did: The future lies at the end of parallel rails.

Up the ladder: sprung
Down the ladder: Valentine 2

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Arithmetic Mean: 9.0
Weighted score: 5.476812
Overall Rank: 2816
Posted: September 28, 2008 7:43 PM PDT; Last modified: September 28, 2008 7:43 PM PDT
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Comments:
[9] Bethy @ 165.154.46.224 | 29-Sep-08/10:20 AM | Reply
Oh what now does our future hold? When we look into the eyes of the old, our parents knew and now us, not then...will we find out...who, what and when? (something from an old poem I wrote)
This is perfectly wonderful Dovina.
[n/a] Dovina @ 208.127.228.23 > Bethy | 5-Oct-08/1:48 PM | Reply
Senseless to let these perfectly fine linear parks go to parking lots and houses when, with a little bloodshed, we can put them into trails.
[10] Celticai @ 124.186.170.98 | 1-Oct-08/3:38 PM | Reply
Dovina.. my hubby is a train nut.. I love this! Many of the heritage railways would love a copy of this. Congratulations.. it conveys the melancholy and the hope.
[n/a] Dovina @ 208.127.228.23 > Celticai | 5-Oct-08/1:46 PM | Reply
Train nuts are fading with the rails, rusting with flanged wheels. I wish him a train worth watching, but think he'd better get on the death car and help us look for good ways to bury them. Tell him to fight off the developers and support trails
[9] darylchew @ 218.186.12.10 | 6-Oct-08/3:45 PM | Reply
lovely. anyway, do you remember me, dovina?
[8] Ranger @ 86.131.54.245 | 6-Oct-08/4:26 PM | Reply
I like the fourth stanza, altered a bit. Especially the "servants like me" bit (no comma needed after it), because unlike the rest, which is pretty generalised, it brings the focus down to one point, one place. I don't think it wants the repeated 'to'. You could get away with using 'where' once more there - "...where boys chase rabbits/where more people/clog the freeways". Or something like that.
[n/a] Dovina @ 75.82.253.189 > Ranger | 6-Oct-08/4:34 PM | Reply
Hey, welcome back. Been gone myself, but not as gone as you. At least you didn't point out an up-tone word at the end of a line. hehe
[8] Ranger @ 86.131.54.245 > Dovina | 6-Oct-08/4:37 PM | Reply
I've been busy, too busy for writing recently. I'd try picking through all your poetic stresses but it's been a long day. I still think your writing's better when it shies away from the generalisations and concentrates more on something you know a lot about, or can target more easily. Where you at these days?
[n/a] Dovina @ 75.82.253.189 > Ranger | 6-Oct-08/4:41 PM | Reply
sigh. I am on a bicycle much of the time, and sometimes on a rails-to-trails project where we, the pundits, have won against the developers. It's still rare to win these wars, but a battle worth a fair amount of blood.
[8] Ranger @ 86.131.54.245 > Dovina | 6-Oct-08/4:48 PM | Reply
I used to cycle to work back in the days when I was a bit less lazy. But then I went to Australia where everywhere is far too far away to make bikes anything other than a comedy, and when I came back all I could do was drive. There are some nice cycle trails over here though, and you don't even have to spill blood for them. And the best part is that you're more or less guaranteed a pub every two miles.
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