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Free verse № 34323

Tingling

Member since 2002 · Posted 7 Jan 2003 · Edited 16 Nov 2007 · 17 comments

The landscape is dusty this morning. I scan the horizon, grey is fading to melon and periwinkle and colors yet to be named. Looking into my mirrors the same is behind me. I seem to be lifting through a hole in the sunrise. The sun shortly reveals the degree to which it was hiding and shadows the rouge and honey waves that lie before me. I pass some large bird of prey. Its feathers fanned out, marking its grave and signaling that its spirit survived the collision. The noble sun chases me and my joints ache so I succumb to the chase while not losing the challenge. Easing the truck into a restful place, I climb down from my perch. My cheeks absorb the cold air as I walk to relieve the tension. On my way, hearing some- thing I've never heard before, I pause, and listen, and turn just in time to see a bronze tree frond fall gently to earth amongst its brothers and sisters. Perhaps the leaves were tingling as well.

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mean 9.00 weighted 5.48 rank 2817 views 310 View voting details →

3 votes so far. Yours would make 4.3 votes so far

17 comments

[6] RGallet 7-Jan-03/7:49 PM Reply
Rename it "tingling"
[7] <{Baba^Yaga}> 7-Jan-03/10:39 PM Reply
"My cheeks
absorb the cold air as I walk
to relieve the tension" lol. that should be the truck divers theme song and for a chorus you could all *piff* while the leaves dance and shimmy.
[7] <~> 7-Jan-03/10:42 PM Reply
indeed! i am sure they were!
[7] <~> 7-Jan-03/10:43 PM Reply
better than the last time. kudos, kiddo.
[10] scitz 8-Jan-03/3:41 AM Reply
I marvel at your ability to bring words alive and tell it so vividly heres top marks for a fine pupil ..10
[n/a] INTRANSIT scitz 8-Jan-03/6:39 AM Reply
I have no clue who you are. doesn't matter. Thank you. That is one hell of a compliment.
[9] Caducus 8-Jan-03/3:44 AM Reply
Did you write this on your travels? its wild and I almost enjoyed it as much as the one where you ripped the guts from the grandfather clock, didnt like the *PIFF* bit, it just fucks the end up otherwise perfect.
[n/a] INTRANSIT Caducus 8-Jan-03/6:42 AM Reply
Thanks big C. I still need a sound. Ideas? I'll probably merge some of the first lines to smooth it a little more.
Hittin the road today, catch ya if I can.
[9] Caducus 8-Jan-03/3:45 AM Reply
how rude of me ...9
[7] Quarton 9-Jan-03/1:05 PM Reply
Well done. This rates a high number
as it turns an ordinary day into
a piece of art.

Psst..I like the *PIFF*
[8] richa 20-May-03/10:15 AM Reply
yes I agree this is kind of wild and it works well
But I do think the word crimson in poetry should be banned
Other than that good
[9] horus8 20-May-03/10:23 AM Reply
*piffy*
[10] deleted user 20-May-03/10:26 AM Reply
This one put me right there in it.
[9] http://mulberryfairy 12-Aug-03/9:34 AM Reply
Yeah, that was nice. I thought the images at the beginning were more powerful (the "lifting through a hole in the morning" and the dead bird's wings "marking it's grave
and signaling that its spirit survived the collision" were great) more than the ending with the falling tree frond. Though I can see how you'd keep it that way if that was the order of events in real life. If you like roadkill stories, check out Ode to a Fox, in my archives.
[n/a] INTRANSIT 16-Nov-07/8:21 AM Reply
Dropped the -crimson. Reformed into stanzas. I'm wondering if -melon- is too vague.
[10] Skamper 19-Nov-07/7:20 PM Reply
melon is a bit vague - considering you follow with periwinkle

third stanza line two - 'so' not clear on it's intent. Is it your joints that are aching so - or is it because they are aching you succumb? If the latter maybe a comma after ache?

This poem has a pureness about it, I love it.
[10] deleted user 22-Nov-07/5:35 AM Reply
The imagery in this poem is fabulous--which is no surprise coming from you--imagery is something you seem to have mastered quite well.